Guitars, Green Tea, and Goofyness

Camp, Jobs, and Movies...OH MY!

2010-09-25T09:12:00.001-07:00

So it's been what...four months?

My bad.

As much as I would love to go into every single detail of my life in the past few months, it would take like five new posts. Heck, I may get around to it, but lets be real, my track record with consistency isn't ideal. So here's the basic update on what is/has been happening:

1. Sky Ranch was incredible. If you expected me to tell you anything else then you really don't read this blog often. Ten years at the place I considered a second home came to an end. There were so many laughs; some blood, sweat, and tears; far too many goofy outfits; and a nasty case of viral conjunctivitus (pink eye); but overall, it was the best summer ever, for many reasons. God did some big and incredible things, and the relationships I discovered have been such an incredible blessing.

2. I've been hooked on two new TV shows since most of my old favorites were either cancelled or got really lame. My roommate Kim introduced me to both of them, so I can thank her for my lack of productivity. Big Bang Theory is stinking hilarious and Bones has completely captivated me. We have watched both way too much.

3. I got a hammock. Nuff said.

4. Next semester I'll be participating in an internship with Showdown Management. They manage a little band called Tenth Avenue North. To say that I'm excited is the understatement of the year.

5. Australia is still happening next year, but details as to location, duration, and program may be changing. I'm still pumped to pumped to say the least.

6. A few movies are coming out/have come out that are going to blow my mind:

Tomorrow When The War Began is an Australian film based on a book that I LOVEEE by John Marsden. I really want to see it so I'm holding out for international releases.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader is my favorite Narnia book and I hope the movie will be just as epic. It comes out on Christmas Day.

And last but most certainly not least...Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. This one needs no introduction.

So darn excited for all three of those, and plenty more.

Consider yourself updated.

Bummer and Summer

2010-05-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

So I wrote this really long, elaborate blog yesterday spilling out my soul to all you blogites. It was basically me confessing my issues, because as Pastor Pete says, "When our "scary" or "ugly" is brought out into the open, we realize it isn't as bad as we thought it was, because everyone has "scary" or "ugly" in their lives." I was so proud of that blog. I clicked post...and then it "ERROR"-ed.

Say it with me...BUMMER.

With lack of time and patience, I won't re-write it for a while. I leave for camp in less than 48 hours and I still have to pack [aye, aye aye] so time is of the essence at the moment.

While I'm on the subject, you should write me at camp [you like that little transition?]. Letters/packages/random artifacts that you find around your house, make my week. It makes it so much easier to get through a really tough and exhausting week when you know there are people who love and support you. So, even if we've never met [in which case, stop being a blurker and comment], or if we've met and you want to give your girl a holla, send me mail at the address below. I'll love you forever (ps. I really like twizzlers...just sayin...)

MacKenzie Wolf - Morph
Sky Ranch
24657 CR 448
Van, TX 75790

I will try and post some this summer about my experiences, what I'm learning, funny stories, and how I'm really sick of camp food. Stay tuned for some really interesting [probably not] posts.

Biig Times

2010-03-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been absent for two weeks. You know how I said God was going to speak to me during Spring Break? Well he did. And then he did some more the week after. Basically its been a big couple of weeks for me as far as what God has taught me. I want to share some of that with you soon, but right now is not the time. God isn't finished and I feel as if some of it won't make sense until this season is over. So bear with me. I'll get back to you soon.

SB 2010: Commencement

2010-03-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Holy toledo I'm finally home. It felt like time was moving by in super slow motion the last few days. I had mentally checked out Tuesday so I got absolutely nothing done. And when there is nothing to do and you are waiting to go home to momma and some good cookin, time is a dreadful nemesis. But now I'm home and I've already consumed half my weight in mom's spaghetti. Sheesh my mom can cook.

The best part about coming home had to have been my sister's reaction. For some strange reason, she was under the impression I wasn't coming home until tomorrow, so when she walked in the door and heard my greeting, she basically tackled me to the ground. My sister may be younger than I am, but we are the same size, and she's packed with muscle. I went down like a rock. But I don't mind.

I am headed to Waco tomorrow to meet up with my best friends before we head to Gulf Shores Saturday morning. Speaking of tackling people, I'll be tackling Sarah and Amanda so hard they won't know what hit them. I've missed them. I'm so completely ecstatic. I won't be able to blog in GS, but expect a picture timeline / long blog about what God told me when I get back. It is going to be a blast.

Now its dance party time with the sis to Needtobreathe. Needless to say, I'm out.

To be continued...

SB 2010: Hopes and Aspirations

2010-02-28T21:27:00.000-08:00

There are two words that have been running through my mind the past few days: Spring. Break. I'm four days away from being back at home, getting ready to head to the beach with two of my best friends and some other really awesome girls. I am SO ready for warmer weather. Me and forty degrees and lower don't get along well. In fact, we are pretty much arch enemies. My legs need to visit their friend Sun again. They have missed him. I'm ready to strap on my chacos and a tshirt and head to the beach, just to relax. I'm ready to write songs with my friend Amanda at midnight as we look out over the sea. I'm ready to eat real food, not a cafeteria excuse for food. I'm ready to reflect on things that have been waring within me.

More than anything, I'm ready to be away from school for a while. The first half of the semester has been really difficult. Yeah, school has been hard, but it's been more than that. A lot of changes have occurred. I have found out things about myself that are requiring some soul searching and a lot of prayer. I need to uninterrupted time to reflect and journal and process this. I know I will come out a better friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and person in general afterwards. Life is just in constant overdrive here at school with nineteen hours of classes and a load of other things, so real reflection has been hard. I'm ready to look it all over so that I can finish out this semester strong, practicing the things that I need to get better at. I want to end this semester on a good note so that I can go into camp with a fresh mind and prepared heart.

So beach trip, spring break 2010. It's gonna be big.

To be continued...

Over-Zealous

2010-02-24T12:22:00.000-08:00

So maybe blogging everyday was over reaching. Maybe I'll try and get in two a week. Sound more reasonable? Yeah I thought so too.

But I promised you Australia, so you're gonna get Australia.

Where did Australia come from [no not the country physically, thats too big a question!]? Well, I'll tell ya kids, so gather 'round cause its story time. I was sitting in my wintermester course this past December [gag], trying to my best ability not to fall asleep, cause lets be real, history isn't my thing. My professor was an almost-60 year old man who may have been one of the biggest rednecks I've ever met [his words, not mine]. This fifty-something man was a professional scuba diver, sky diver, kayaker, and in basically all things extreme. He has traveled the world and seen a lot of really cool things. He encouraged us every day to travel and see the world. Well being bored in class one day, after one of these little rants about seeing the world, I started doing some research. Now I've always wanted to go to Australia so that was naturally the first place I researched. Turns out, my university offers a study abroad program in Melbourne, Australia strictly for music business majors. HELLO PERFECT.

Now in case you're wondering, Melbourne is riiiiiggghhhttt....

there [down at the bottom of the continent]. To give you some perspective, Sydney is NE of what is marked Canberra [the capital of Australia], right along the coast.

Anywho, so I go on this rampage researching anything I can find on Melbourne, including, but not limited to, looking at pictures of the city, looking at the city's main website, wikipedia, looking up the economy and government of the country, etc. I did this for three days. THREE DAYS. I didn't sleep for these three days because I was just so fascinated with it all [made it even more interesting to stay awake in class]. Those who know me well would be able to tell you that when I get excited, I obsess [only slightly]. Pretty evident after not sleeping for three days. Heck, I've even found myself watching Australian television shows just so I can try and understand the culture a bit more. I was/am SO excited about this!

Why Melbourne, not Sydney? Simple. Melbourne is the "Nashville" or "LA" of Australia. It is the hub of their music industry. I would get to see how the music industry works in another country and how it effects the industry in America. Cool huh? I may be a bit nerdy in all this, but seriously, its going to be awesome.

Next question that I'm sure is burning in your minds: when am I going? How kind of you to ask. Fall 2011. The reason it is so far away is two fold. One, I can't go next fall (2010) because semesters in Australia start in the middle of July [flip-flopped seasons and all], and I'm already committed to a full summer position at Sky Ranch this summer [which is a topic of excitement I'll get to soon] which goes through the middle of August. And two, they don't offer the program in the spring, hence fall 2011. Seems like a long time away to be so excited about it, but I can't help it!

Well there's my schpeel [is that a word? probably not, but i use it a lot]. Any questions?

I ALREADY FAILED.

2010-02-19T09:02:00.000-08:00

Well didn't get my post up last night dang it! In my defense, I had one massive migraine. But still. So I'm posting two today.

So far this whole "water only" thing is going well. I never realized how thirsty I am, which is good because I'm supposed to be drinking a lot of water anyways to be healthy. Now I'm just forced to do it. Its good for me! Yay health!

I'm really glad this week is over. It's been a long one, to put it lightly. I've been wrestling with God this week, and I've been struggling, but I'm finally getting to a point of acceptance. Sometimes we have to struggle in order to grow. Growth is something I have been praying for, so I got it, just not in the way I wanted it to happen. But God never works in the way we want him too! He's God, so he doesn't have to. By putting him in our little boxes, its like we are challenging him to break out of it. And he does it so easily! I really need to stop doing that.

Anyways, that's all you're getting from me right now, but I'll post later tonight. I think I'll be telling you about my fascination with Australia. Get ready. You will think I'm a complete nerd!

Have a blessed day.

Day One

2010-02-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not required to participate in Lent, but I have for the past few years. I think the idea of giving up something as a sacrifice for forty days, as a reminder of Jesus' trials for 40 days in the wilderness is a great one. I gave up facebook one year, and other odds and ends as well over the previous years. This year I'm giving up all drinks but water as I join with Blood Water Mission in their 40 Days of Water campaign. I have the privilege to clean drinking water whenever I want it. I don't have to walk miles to get it and it isn't contaminated with bacteria in the ground or in the water itself. I'm truly lucky. So for 40 days I will drink nothing but water so that I can learn to truly appreciate it. My nalgene is going to be my best friend.

Now if you know me at all you know that I will have one major weakness when it comes to this: Dr. Pepper. I was born and raised in Dallas, Texas, two hours north of where it originated, and in the city where its headquarters currently lie. I was practically drinking it from the day I was born. So this is not going to be some walk in the park. This is going to be challenging. But I'm up for the challenge. One little fact about me is that I have the will power of a lion. When I set my mind to something, I can pretty much accomplish anything. I can do this.

Another thing I'm adding in, just for fun, is that I'm going to blog every day for the Lent season. I know I know. Crazy right? Well don't get too excited, cause they will probably be pretty short on some days. In fact, I know they will. But it's an effort I'm willing to make.

So Lent, day one. Water only and bloggin all the day long. Bring it on Lent.

Take A Listen...

2010-01-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

So my good friend Rebecca Roubion released a music video for her song "Free" yesterday. It is off of her new album "A Fine Place to Start" which is fabulous if I do say so myself. So check out the video below, then go buy the album on iTunes, and I promise you won't regret it. You're welcome!

The Festivities are Over...

2010-01-10T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas break is officially making its end. Crud.I leave for Nashville in the morning which means two things I'm dreading: packing and a 10 hour drive.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I am thoroughly excited to see my friends in Nashville. And the lovely Rebecca Roubion is moving up to Nashville in five days so I'm SUPER amped about that. But the whole packing and driving thing is such a large road block. I am going back to Nashville with double the load of clothes I came home with so getting them back is proving to be problematic. And on top of that I'm driving into a snow storm. Awesome.

Whatever.

Well there are a few things I would love to update you on, but I'll save that for when I get back so I can really dive into it. One of my new years resolutions is to be a better blogger, so I promise I'll be back soon. Until then, enjoy whatever rest you can receive.

Mac

9 of 2009

2009-12-31T10:02:00.000-08:00

So it's New Years Eve. 2009 is on its way out, and 2010 is making its grand entrance. Weird. I can't believe a year has passed already. It seems like yesterday when I was challenging my best friend to a taco bell eating contest [worst idea in the world], and getting ready for a camp retreat. But here I am, one year later, taco bell - less, and getting ready for a new years bash with camp friends before our retreat tomorrow. A lot has happened this year. Here are a few things I am thanking the Lord for this year. Consider it my 9 of '09.

1. Sky Ranch 2009. Lets be real, I came out of camp a completely different person than I was before. My views on life and how I handle relationships was completely changed, not to mention my relationship with the Lord and how I view everything differently now that I see things through His eyes. Everything is much more beautiful.

2. My Sky Ranch Family. The people that I met at camp this summer, especially my co-counselors, have been such a blessing in my life this semester. I think I would have been back at home if it wasn't for them. Their encouragement and wisdom has helped me through so much. They have become like long-lost siblings.

3. Nick Jordan. Cheesy? Probably. But I have enjoyed going through life with him the past few months. He has made things in my life clearer for me.

4. Struggle. I never thought I would be thankful for my struggles. The struggles I dealt with the first half of the year allowed me to connect with campers on a deeper level and offer them advice through personal experience. The struggles I wrestled with after summer have led to a more intimate relationship with Christ, and led to a group of friends that I'm so ecstatic to have.

5. My Family. It's encouraging and refreshing to be able to come home to an environment where I feel loved and supported. I'm thankful for the family God blessed me with everyday.

6. Jesus. I mean, DUH. But in all honesty this year has really made me thankful for the sacrifice He made. I don't deserve it. Not one bit. But I am so thankful that He did and that now He calls me to His mission field to go to battle for Him. He doesn't need me, but He uses me regardless of my short comings.

7. Mocha Club. I have thoroughly enjoyed working for them this semester. I now realize why God laid Africa so heavily on my heart for the previous year and it was because He wanted me at MC. The relationships I built and the work I did were so good for my heart. I loved getting to do something for someone that truly needed my help in a place where they really need it. It helped open my eyes to the fact that the world is bigger than America and bigger than my own problems.

8. Fall. Gosh I love it. Perfect weather, perfectly painted leaves on trees, perfect weather to see my God in. I love fall so much. Sometimes it is the little things. And it was this fall that I decided to change the way I viewed things in my life. It was a new beginning for me.

9. Joy. If there was one thing I needed to find this year it was how to find joy in the Lord. The concept was something I had heard in Bible Study and church sermons, but really didn't understand how it worked. After camp though, I made the connection, and life has been different since. It is still a struggle, but it is something that I strive after everyday. Psalm 16:11.

The one word that surmises it all: growth. I'm glad 2009 is over because that means 2010 is a new year of learning and growth and realizations. I'm excited for it. So happy new year my friends. Get ready for a brand new year to start over with.

Neglect

2009-12-07T23:34:00.001-08:00

Let me get through finals week and I'll update things. I promise :)

Just So You Know.

2009-10-12T22:07:00.000-07:00

1. Its one month and three weeks until my show and I still don't know the lyrics to half of my songs. Real professional.

2. I love my job at Mocha Club. The people there make it so enjoyable. And giving Nick a hard time just makes life so much fun.

3. I have some WICKED bad hang nails right now.

4. My room is an absolute mess...and I probably won't clean it anytime soon.

5. Jewel, my community group leader, is back from her honeymoon which meant that bible study tonight was oh so fun! I missed her!

6. 3 days until my best friend is in Nashville. I'm pumped.

That is all.

Mocha Club

2009-09-29T13:59:00.000-07:00

So for those of you that don't know, I'm interning with Mocha Club (wrote something about them a few months ago on here) this semester and it is seriously one of the most rewarding things I could have done with my semester. I love going in and hanging out with the people who work in there, the other interns, Marisa, Annie, Emily, Barrett, (of course I work too!).

But aside from that, it is so easy to work somewhere when you know that what you are doing is going to help somebody else in a big way. If you don't know what Mocha Club is about check out their website (http://www.mochaclub.org) and check it out. Basically, $7 a month provides clean water for 7 Africans for a year and a bunch of other stuff. These guys are being vessels of Christ. They are truly helping out the orphan and the widow.

I want you guys to join in. It's really rewarding. $7 a month. Give up two Starbucks coffees or eat in for a night instead of getting that burrito. It's not that much to sacrifice for such a great reward. One thing I am learning about right now is how much we have and how little we are willing to part with it. I am the rich young ruler many days.

Let's change that.

Mac

I'm Changed

2009-09-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

I've been processing a lot over the last few weeks trying to put to words all that I learned, felt, and experienced in my six weeks of Sky Ranch. How does one describe the hardest yet best and most rewarding summer of their entire life? It's been difficult. I honestly could write a book about it all. It was a summer of being utterly and beautifully wrecked by God and then seeing the fruit of that in my life and the lives of those around me. In short, I will never be the same.

Conviction

One of the first things I learned at camp was about the sin in my life that I had been so complacent about. Selfishness, pride, cowardice, etc. I was hiding behind the fact that everyone has flaws (which we do), so there was nothing I could do about it. I felt no remorse. No, I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I have realized that my sin killed my Daddy. My sin nailed Him to that rugged cross. My sin beat Him until He was on His last strand of life. My sin killed Him and I am totally and completely crushed by that. How can I continue in my complacent sinning when the King of ALL died for me? How can I continue slapping my God in the face, when He died so that I may live? That gift is something I totally don't deserve. I did nothing to earn it. In fact, I did everything that earns me death, not LIFE. But here in lies the beautiful part about it: He did save me, and I am SO grateful for that. I will continue to sin every day until I leave this Earth, but I am so remorseful of that. I don't deserve it, but He offers Life anyways, so I take it with grateful hands.

Joy

The months prior to camp were really tough. I was struggling with a few things, and that's a post in itself, but the bottom line was that I was joyless and hopeless. I had no joy in things that I used to be able to find them in, so I continued searching for that joy in other things. Nothing seemed to get me out of that lull. I got to camp, and something was different. I could get out of bed in the morning without a small internal pep talk. I enjoyed the most menial tasks (ok, except for team wall, but that had it's ups too!). My co-counselor, Rachel, would say to the girls that happiness was from the world, but JOY was from the Lord. I was finding my joy in the Lord at camp, without even realizing I was doing it. I got back to Nashville and felt myself beginning to fall back into those lies that I had been believing for a lot of my life. After really digging into the Word, I realized that finding joy in the Lord meant living every moment for Him.

EVERY MOMENT.

Not just when it was convenient. Not just Sunday's by lifting my hands and bringing my Bible. Not even just during my quiet time. Every moment had to be lived for Him and would find my joy in obeying my Father and participating in a consistently growing relationship. That is why I had joy at camp. It wasn't because of the people (although you are all incredible and I thank God everyday for blessing me with an incredible family), it wasn't because of the activities, but it was because I was actively and constantly sharing the Good News with others through both my actions and my words.

My outlook on life has been completely altered. Yes, I still battle satan every day about those lies, but I now know that by following my God and seeking Him out in every situation, satan has no chance. My ministry didn't end at camp, and I know that now. Sharing what God has done in my life is an every day thing. I find my joy in that.

Anything's Possible

There were some situations I was faced with that seemed impossible. There were hearts that came through those doors that seemed too hardened for anything I or anyone said to them to penetrate. There were some days when I didn't know how I was going to make it without breaking down or falling asleep from sheer exhaustion (there were a few nights of >3 hours of sleep). There were times when I didn't know how we were going to get through team wall without all my campers killing each other.

But through God, anything is possible.

The hardest hearts were melted and changed. I made it through each day with an energy that could have only been from God. No camper died due to team wall. GOD CAN DO ANYTHING. Some girls came into our cabins with impossible situations they were dealing with, but they found out that with God, they can make it through anything. They can defeat anything that satan throws at them. I cried so many times knowing that God was changing hearts, even when I had doubted that He could. It was such a beautiful thing to see young girls coming to know Christ and being on FIRE about it. And God used this stubborn, selfish, cowardly, girl as a vessel to share His Good News. There was something that would be impossible for anyone but God. He used me through my sin and flaws to show me that He can do anything. Wow. How blessed am I that God would choose me? He didn't need me. My gosh, He did NOT need me. But He used me. How beautiful. How awesome. I am blessed beyond comparison.

Where I Am Now

So here I am in Nashville, one month and five days after driving out the east gate for the last time for 2009. It seems like just yesterday, but at the same time it seems like a million years ago. Coming back was and is not easy. How does one go from an environment where you are being constantly uplifted and encouraged in the Lord, and what can only be described as a bubble, to an environment where you are torn down by the world and the lies it is constantly feeding you? How does one go from an environment filled with people who you consider as good as family to an environment where sometimes you just don't fit in? It's been one month and five days and I'm still trying to adjust. I'm trying to bring my bubble life into my real world life. Some days it doesn't work and those days are really hard. Some days it does work and those days are filled with JOY. But through everything, I have to keep leaning on God for understanding, love, hope, and companionship. He is constant. He is constantly moving me. Constantly changing me. Constantly loving me. Constantly disciplining me. Constantly comforting me. Constantly doing the impossible in me. Constantly there. I'm leaning on that today.

I hope that you have had an experience of complete change like this. It is beautiful.

Have a blessed day,

Mac

Shaken and Ashamed...

2009-09-15T22:19:00.000-07:00

Read this blog from my friend Jenny about a girl named Katie. Her story has really messed me up. I'm ashamed of my selfishness. I need to do something. We all need to do something.

http://www.jennysimmons.com/2009/09/tough-topic-tuesday.html

I have an update in the making right now for you all. Give me a few more days to finish putting my words together.

MacKenzie

Sky Ranch 2009!

2009-07-02T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, as most of you know I'm headed to Sky Ranch in two days. Sky Ranch is a Christian camp I have called my home for the past eight years, and this year I get to give back. I will be working with 14-16 year old girls with three of the most INCREDIBLE girls. I'm so excited. But this job is NOT easy. It's tiring and draining. So I'm writing this hoping that my friends and family will consider writing me letters, or sending packages. If you don't want to do either, I would love your prayers. Prayers for strength and rest and that God would move in BIG ways this summer. These will help more than you know. I will be at camp from July 4 until August 15. I will also be checking my email and facebook about once a week (on my night off) so feel free to contact me in those ways too. Here is where I will be:

Sky Ranch
MacKenzie Wolf - Cabin 34
24657 CR 448
Van, TX, 75790

macflow0490@mac.com

facebook.com/mackenzie.wolf

I will miss you all so much and hope that you have an incredible rest of the summer!!!

MacKenzie Wolf

Carmichael Counselor 2009

Come and Listen...

2009-04-19T21:36:00.001-07:00

So my question for you is what has God done in your life lately? Sometimes we are so focused on what we WANT Him to do, we forget what he HAS done. It's something I have been really convicted about recently. He has done so much for me. But now I just want to hear from you.

I'll post mine in a few days. Dove's are this week and I'm escorting, so expect GMA Journal round 2!!

Have a blessed day and remember the blessings you've already received.

mac

Barefoot...

2009-04-16T10:42:00.001-07:00

Join me today in going barefoot because 300 million children don't have shoes.

There are diseases that these children suffer from that are 100% preventable by wearing shoes.

Be thankful for what you have today. Help out someone who is not as fortunate.

Fragraces and Surrender

2009-04-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

SPRING IN THE LITERAL SENSE

It seemed like I woke up this week and spring was here. There was no gradual transition. There was no warning. The first day of spring came, and it did not disappoint. The weather was what could only be described as perfect. It seemed as if everyone on campus came out of their warm shells of a dorm room and migrated outside to the sun and green grass. The trees are blooming with small white and pink flowers that give off a fragrance you can't help but take in. When I walk underneath them I hate having to exhale for fear of missing a single ounce of that fragrance. The tulips that were planted have bloomed and add extra color to the already green grass. I have found myself falling in love with Nashville spring. Everything seems so alive, so new, so fresh in a way that I never experienced in Dallas.

So I sit here in the Frothy Monkey enjoying my cup of chai, wondering what sort of foolishness I could get into today. I mean it is April Fools Day, which basically means I can get away with anything. Part of me knows that all I will be able to do though is enjoy the sunshine while I try and finish the long to-do list sitting in front of me. Tomorrow is my 19th birthday, and this weekend I'll be in Gaitlinburg for a celebration of sorts, which means everything on this list has to get done today. The sun keeps calling me outdoors, so I may just have an easier time with getting things done if I answer that call. Sitting outside on my blanket has become a favorite hobby of mine. While that means dodging flying frisbees and keeping myself hydrated, I will take it. I'm honestly sure none of this makes sense because my attention is focused on the outdoors currently. Spring is here and I want to enjoy it.

SPRING IN THE SPIRITUAL SENSE

My life has recently entered into a period of spring as well. I've been in a cold, gloomy place for a few months now. Everything just seemed to go wrong and I was having a very difficult time dealing with it all. But his sort of peace has fallen over me in the past few weeks, and it's like the sun has made on appearance through the clouds. My soul is finally starting to warm up again and I feel like making it to summer really won't be as hard as I thought. I've been worrying about how I would deal with everything that has been thrown at me, how I will do it with a Christ-like heart, and how in the world I wasn't being crushed by the weight of it all. I finally saw that the beams of support weren't laying on me. The support beams were founded on a Rock. A solid Foundation. I finally found the faith the trust that He would take care of it, that He would keep it all from crashing in on me. There is a verse in Isaiah that I have been wrestling with over the past few months, and I think I finally understand what it means.

"Unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm."

I had been so worried about how I would keep standing, about how I would keep everything together that I forgot about the fact that God is there doing it all. He is there holding up the beams. I didn't have the faith that He would be able to fix everything so I felt like the world was crashing in. Once I finally surrendered and gave Him control, the sun came out, the flowers bloomed, and suddenly the sky didn't seem so gray anymore. I felt again. I felt hope. I felt love. I felt warmth.

Last night at Bible study, my roommate said something that kind of stuck with me. "God has called us to a be comfortably uncomfortable." I felt like this described where I have been perfectly. God was making me uncomfortable to teach me to find comfort in Him. While I hate that feeling of uneasiness and not having control, I have finally figured out that God will take care of me in those periods of uncertainty. He has control so I need to stop fighting Him for it. He is the only thing that is Certain.

He is Certain, we are only temporary. Give up control. Find comfort in the Comforter. That's my prayer today.

Have a blessed day and enjoy the spring weather!

mac

I am sorry...

2009-03-31T10:48:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a month since I have posted, and for that I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of a post that will hopefully be up in a few days. Keep checking/bugging me to get it done!

Mac

14 DAYS!!!

2009-02-20T08:30:00.001-08:00

Amanda Kendig. Sarah Boullioun.

I get to see them in fourteen days.

I'm so excited I could wet myself. But I won't.

I will be in a car with them for 20 hours over spring break.

I couldn't be more ecstatic.

These next two weeks need to go quickly please.

Super Colds and New Music.

2009-02-14T11:01:00.001-08:00

I had a super cold a few weeks ago. The kind only super villains dish out. It was that bad. Then things got incredibly busy. And next week is going to be extremely busy as well with tests, projects, and papers due. Just thought I would give you a quick update. Before I disappear for a little while longer.

Went to an amazing show last night. Ocean Is Theory is a friend of a friend's band. They're from Atlanta and they are incredible. They are about to do some incredible things, touring with The Wedding, The Fold, and EleventySeven next month, in which they will be coming back to Nashville, where you can bet I'll be. Here are some shots I took with my new 55-200mm VR lens.

A few other random tidbits before I hit the shower.

-I stole my friends Mandolin so I can learn how to play. Excellent fun.

-Amanda Kendig is an incredible songwriter and I'm so excited to get to work with my best friend on some new material =]

-I have two new songs up on my myspace that I would love your input on. http://www.myspace.com/mackenziewolf

I'll try and post some more in the next few days, but I won't make any promises. Until then, be blessed and have a wonderful week.

Oh and Happy Valentines Day, whether you are sharing it with a loved one, or are celebrating Single's Awareness Day instead, celebrate the love that each of us is guaranteed to have, the love of Christ.

In Him,

Mac

Just Thought You Should Know...

2009-01-27T19:21:00.001-08:00

I'm officially a Sky Ranch counselor!! =]

Let the games BEGIN!

Fear Not Death

2009-01-18T10:32:00.000-08:00

I've been mulling over some thoughts the past few weeks, and last night one of them finally made it's way onto paper. I really have been struggling with this idea, finding out a lot about myself in the process.

What if I was living during the time when Jesus began His ministry? Christ is going around telling AND showing people that He is the Son of God, and even part of God Himself.

Would I believe Him? Would I just think He was some crazy heathen? Would I blow Him off? Would I even give Him a second thought? Or would I listen to His words. Would I follow Him and see what He meant by fishers of men? Would I wash His feet with my tears, hair, and most prized perfume?

To be honest I'm not sure which situation I would be in. I would like to say I'd do the latter, but part of me feels I would have been the former, being the skeptic and pessimist I am. I have realized I live too much by sight and not enough by faith. I wait for God to SHOW me things instead of simply trusting Him and following in the knowledge that He is mighty to SAVE. I hate the thought, that I might have denied the One giving me TRUE life, in every sense of the word. All I can take comfort in is that I'm living now and I believe in the One who died for me and took on my burden and gave me the chance to spend an eternity in His presence. Hallelujah for such a wonderful and glorious Savior!

His grace is becoming more and more potent as I learn more about the very nature of Him. And every time that grace becomes more apparent and powerful, the more I realize I don't deserve it at all. Why would He let me give Him MY burden of sin and death, and give me His "burden" of eternity with Him? Maybe I should be better at picking up my cross. If Christ could come and take away the sin and destruction from ALL mankind and even be separated from God Himself, and then defeat death, the least I could do is pick up my cross and carry it wherever I'm lead instead of dragging my feet refusing to go any further until I get a sure sign. Shame on me for being lazy and thinking that God won't watch out for me. He doesn't promise that a life following Him will be easy or even fun, but He does promise that He will be with me every step of the way. Maybe it's fear of persecution, but He says we will be blessed if we are persecuted for speaking His name. Maybe it's fear of judgement, but if my identity is in Christ I shouldn't worry about the judgement of others. Maybe it's even fear of death which is ridiculous because the day I die will be the day I finally go home because I do not belong in this world but in heaven with my Father. I need to stop fearing death and start fearing not living life to the fullest in Christ. That's my new years resolution, to live life in it's fullest, showing Christ in every situation.

I hope that you will help keep me accountable in that.

Have a terrific week.

Mac

Starting the Chase

2009-01-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would write once I got finished with finals, but I guess I was a little late on that one. This break has been so busy, but so incredible and refreshing. I was a college sponsor for the youth group's ski trip where I snow bladed with some good friends. I had my entire mom's side of the family in town for Christmas and New Years, which simply means food, food, and more food. I just got back a day or two ago from a retreat at the summer camp I have been going to for 8 years and will be working at this summer, where the Lord broke open a part of me after I had let it harden over the past few months. Overall, this break has been incredible, yet I think I'm ready to get back to Nashville. That's home now and I'm homesick.

I've actually been meaning to write for a few weeks now, but I tend to write what's on my heart, and my heart has been filled with words and thoughts that were a little TOO personal to put here. The Lord has been moving in big ways this break and maybe I'll get to a point where I can share some of those thoughts. For now all I can say is that I'm going to finally open my eyes and start actually chasing my dreams, rather than keeping them closed and simply leaving them as dreams.

Here is something new I wrote. Let me know what you think.

The Midnight Sun

The rain is falling

But I don't mind

With you near

I'm sure I'll be fine

Though your face

Says "run"

Your actions

Say "come"

And my feet move forward

No hesitation

Cause I've wanted all my life

To see the sun at midnight

And finally your light

Has broken through the sky

There's no need

To hide anymore

As long as my sun

Will be by my side

Every second past

Is another second lost

And though you promise forever

Is forever long enough?

Music Mania: Part....whatever.

2008-12-05T11:37:00.000-08:00

So I'm camped out at Panera right now, supposed to be studying for finals, but decided to take a break and take advantage of free wi-fi.

I got an idea from a few people's blogs to list my top ten albums from this year. In all honesty it includes both new albums and albums I just discovered this year. And probably not in any particular order.

"Albertine" by Brooke Fraser. This has seriously been one of my favorite albums since I bought it earlier this year. There isn't a song on it that I don't love. Her lyrics really portray her passionate spirit. The songs "Albertine", "Shawdowfeet", and "The Theif" are my favorites. Hopefully I will be able to catch this New Zealander in concert one day.

"For Emma, Forever Ago" by Bon Iver. A friend recommended this album to me, and it is currently the top played album in my iTunes (but that really isn't saying a whole lot because my iTunes play list was erased when I switched to my Mac). Half the time I can't understand a word he is saying, but the music has so much feeling and emotion behind it. I've read the lyrics as well, and they are equally as moving. Keep your mind open when listening to this one and it will quickly become one of your favorites.

"Keep No Score" by Sleeping At Last. This album technically didn't come out this year, but I just bought it a couple months ago, and his lyrics have nearly brought me to tears. AND they are just as incredible live as they are on the album. I've quoted some of their lyrics in my previous posts.

The self-titled album by Addison Road. Let's pretend for a second that I don't personally know these guys. This album is driven by some great pop-rock anthems that just make you want to dance around and sing along. It's a great feel-good album to pump you up, yet has a few ballads that really show their heart's for the LORD. And now we can stop pretending, and I will say that the members of this band are are some very down to earth people and I really enjoy getting to hang out with them when they come through town.

"The Heat" by Needtobreathe. I think this one came out last year too, but again, I only bought it last month. I saw them live at Exit/In and immediately went home and bought the entire album. The lead singer's voice is simply phenomenal. I really love "Washed by the Water" which has been on the radio a lot lately. Love, love, love it.

Jon Foreman's Solo EPs "Fall," "Winter," "Spring," and "Summer". The first two came out last year but I'm looking at them as a whole. These albums are full of beautiful and vulnerable lyrics that were probably too personal to put onto a Switchfoot album, and I'm glad he didn't. They really prove to me that Jon is one of the best songwriters/artists out there today. If I had to choose one, I'd say get the "Fall" album. The song "Southbound Train" is beautiful.

"So Far: The Acoustic Sessions" by Bethany Dillon. You should never expect a favorites list of mine without a Bethany Dillon album. She put out an acoustic album earlier this year that was simply incredible. It was sliced down to mainly just her, a guitar, and a piano on occasion. She even threw in a Beatles cover. This is the stuff I love from her. It what makes her so incrdible.

"Roots" by Shawn McDonald. This was a highly anticipated album for that I bought as soon as I could get my hands on a copy. I think it is possibly his best album yet as it is infused with many different styles. His voice is great, his lyrics are great, and he can put on a great show. My favorite track would have to be "Greed".

"( )" by Sigur Ros. Yes ( ) is the name of the album. No, the tracks don't have names, and no they don't sing in English. This happens to be one of the most beautiful albums I've ever heard. You are supposed to listen to the vocal part as if it were just another instrument, and if you do that, it is a phenomenal album. This is actually one of their older albums, but I just bought it this year. Their newest album is very good as well though (but I won't bother to put the title because you wouldn't be able to pronounce it anyways). Who knew Iceland could produce such incredible musicians?

Last, but certainly not least, is Amos Lee's self-titled album. This album could take the most wound-up, stressed out person and completely mellow them out. I know this from personal experience. His song "Colors" is beautiful. I can't get enough of this guy. Warning: do not listen to him if you need to stay awake for long periods of time. It will lead to an ultimate epic fail.

Well thats all. Of course there were some other great albums out there this year, and it was very difficult to narrow it down, but these came out on top in my book.

I have finals for the rest of this week and next, so pray that I can concentrate and get the studying for them done. I probably won't post again until later next week when I finally get home (after a 10 hour car ride *yuck*). Until then, enjoy every day, watch Christmas movies, and drink Starbucks salted caramel hot chocolate!

Mac

I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me

2008-11-27T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have never been to Africa.

I have several friends who have told me countless stories about their adventures to Africa, describing it as an unforgettable experience and something you can’t quite get your mind around.

But I have never been to Africa.

I look at their pictures and listen to their voices as the passion behind their experience seeps through their emotions. You can see it in their eyes, their gestures, their faces. I can tell it changed them.

But I have never been to Africa.

I am part of Mocha Club and Invisible Children.

But I have never been to Africa.

I long to go to Africa, but I don’t think my heart is in the right place for it yet. I tend to be selfish about it, wanting to go so I can pat myself on the back and have stories to tell people who ask about it. That’s not how I want to go into it. I feel like God is calling me to take a trip there, but not just yet. He wants me to wait. He wants my heart to be in the right place, and so do I. If I go there for selfish reasons, then I am not doing anybody any good.

That’s why I have never been to Africa.

Sidestep for a second to another topic (I’ll make my way back around, I promise). I come from a city where material possessions are EVERYTHING. It’s a lifestyle. Having the latest new gadget or a nice car will make you happy. Getting that new purse or having that expensive pair of shoes will make your life better. Or at least that’s what people tend to think around here. I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes, making myself think that if I don’t have the newest thing, I won’t be as happy as that person who does have it. It has been a challenge over the years to keep myself from getting caught up in it, although, I’m human, and slip up sometimes.

I think the first time I realized how much “stuff” I do have, and how much I take it for granted, was two summers ago when I went to Brazil. That trip did a lot to humble me (see my Brazil post for more on that trip).

I long to go on another international mission trip, and I really want it to be in Africa. I don’t think I was emotionally or spiritually mature enough to really appreciate what I was experiencing in Brazil, and I want a second chance.

I want to go to Africa.

My best friends, Sarah and Amanda, and I made a pact that one-day we would go to Africa together. We want to spend time with the people there and hear their stories. We want to play with the children. We want to build things. We want to engage in relationships. We realize there is so much more than materialism and the junk that we think is important in this country really isn’t. We want to go out and find what is important and then show our community that there really is more out there than clothes and cars and new gadgets.

So while I want to help in Africa with orphans, or child mothers, or people affected with AIDS, I think that I will be changed in the process. I think the stories I hear and the people I meet will affect me more than I can even imagine. In a way I don’t think I will go into that trip with no selfish intentions.

I know that I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

I hear songs from musicians that have gone to remote parts of the world, whether to Africa (Sara Groves “I Saw What I Saw,” Brooke Fraser “Albertine,” etc.) or India (Bethany Dillon “Beggar’s Heart”) and I can hear something different in these songs. These artists aren’t talking about the good things they did or how they changed someone’s life. They are talking about how they were changed.

I want to take that life change and show the world that there are more important things in life. I want to show the world that God cares for EVERYBODY, not just the white and rich Americans. Jesus didn’t say to go to the ends of the Earth and not mean it. He meant it. He meant everything He said. He meant it when He said to love the least of these. He meant it when He said to leave everything behind and follow Him no matter where it led. I think Africa can remind us all of that.

We need Africa more than Africa needs us.

Maybe you can’t travel to Africa, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get involved. Check out Mocha Club, where all you have to do is give $7 a month (the cost of two Mochas) and you are helping someone somewhere in Africa. You can get involved with a special project like helping child mothers, or orphans. The smallest things can help. They can help Africa, and they can help you.

Well a Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Really enjoy your time with your loved ones, and don’t take for granted what you have been blessed with. I'll be with my entire dad's side of my family today, including second cousins and great aunts and uncles. It will be a feast!

Something to chew on this week: “When heaven meets the Earth, we will have no use for numbers to measure who we are or what we are worth” –Sleeping At Last

I feel like that verse of that song just works with everything.

MacKenzie

I Really Shouldn't

2008-11-19T08:05:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in one of my favorite new coffee shops, The Frothy Monkey, sipping on some chai, whilst trying to get EVERYTHING done. Apparently its not going too well considering I'm sitting here writing this instead of actually working. Say a quick prayer that I can stop letting my ADD problems get in the way of my study and homework problems. I need to get this junk done before Thanksgiving break.

"I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me"

MacKenzie

Las Paletas

2008-11-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

Anne reminded me that I forgot to mention our Paletas run in my last post. Las Paletas is a popsicle store in Nashville with some of the best popsicles I have ever eaten. I really like Rose Petal and Mexican Caramel. It's delicious. Well all the girls go every Friday afternoon after classes are over with. Last Friday we went and our friend Austin joined us. After each having one Paletas and then purchasing another one, we went to the park across the street and took pictures. We had a blast. I have made some of the greatest friends since moving to Nashville. We had such a great time!

Colors

2008-11-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

Not only is that the song I'm currently listening to (by Amos Lee), but it also happens to be the theme of this past week.

Fall in Nashville is absolutely incredible. You have trees that are turning the most stunning shades of red and gold, and the weather is cold and gray feeling. I'm from Texas and I don't handle cold weather very well, so when it's in the high forties low fifties, I turn a slight blue color. Those temperatures are like the winter temps for Dallas, yet they are only early fall for Nashie. I can't imagine what it will be like come December and January. Oh the thought of it makes me shiver. But I have loved getting coats out and having an excuse to wear sweatpants more often. But now I'm slowly getting to the point where I want it to be warmer again. Guess there isn't much of a chance for that for a few months eh?

I spent all weekend with my very colorful friends (seriously I love throwing in the "color factor"). Friday night we watched two very gory movies, Sin City and Fight Club, neither of which I had ever seen before. Surprisingly, I really enjoyed them, Fight Club more than Sin City though. We were watching Fight Club, and the movie started skipping cause our friend Joseph's copy of the movie (of course his favorite movie!) was scratched and we had to skip almost three scenes before we got fed up and made him run to get another copy from our friend's roommate. He wanted us to time him and see how long it would take him to run across campus and get the DVD and back, so we got the timer ready and said "GO!"

He ran face-first, full speed into the wall.

There is a dent there now. It was one of the funniest things I may have seen in my entire life. We were all red in the face with laughter.

Saturday night we went to Waffle House...at midnight. It was so dark I could see that yellow sign from miles away. Now I had never been to the WH before because #1) They don't really exist in west plano and #2) IHOP is much..cleaner..for lack of a better term. So we get to the WH, order our food, and just enjoy each other's company. We get our food, and almost immediately after I take my first bite of bacon, someone points out that this WH we are sitting in got a 70 on their health inspection test as posted by the big green number on the piece of blue paper.

That's right. 7-0. That is the minimum grade people.

I just choked back the gag reflex and kept eating. Wasn't half bad, but I prefer IHOP.

Tonight, we celebrated my friend Bethany's birthday. She turned 19 yesterday so we celebrated with The Cheesecake Factory. I ate so much I almost had to loosen my belt a notch. I didn't, but I almost had to. We had a good time in fellowship, eating more than someone of the human race should. The waitress was super sweet, making jokes, and laughing at the irony of the fact that she really didn't even like cheesecake, yet she chose The Cheesecake Factory to work at.

So overall, I had a great weekend, and I'm ready to get this week started. Tomorrow, Anne, Meredith, and I are headed to Lewisburg to see my friends from Addison Road play. Can't wait to see them and see how touring with Building 429 has been. Seriously, talk about living the dream.

Finally I have to give one final shout out to my wonderful roommate Kelsey. We all play some harmless pranks and jokes on her, yet she takes it like a trooper. Kels, sorry we pick on you so much! Thank you for not shunning us or killing me in particularly in my sleep. Love ya!

Have a colorful week everyone and find the hope in the day.

Mac

Tomorrows the big day...

2008-11-03T21:01:00.001-08:00

We all know what tomorrow is. If you don't, then seriously you might just live in a hole. But to enlighten you, tomorrow is election day for the next president of the United States of America. Now I don't want to be one of those people who is writing post after post about how they hate Obama or how Palin has no experience. I'll stick to my vote, and let you stick to yours.

I do want to say one thing though. It seems to me that the people of this country are looking for the man who is going to save the country. Here's the problem with that thinking. Both of these men have something in common: humanity. They are humans, just like you, me, and everyone else in this world. They are not going to be our Saviour. We already have One. They are going to mess up just like every other President has done. Bush made his mistakes, Clinton before him made his mistakes, and the next President, whether McCain or Obama, will do the same. He will do some things that we like, and a lot of things we will not like. That's the fact of life. We can't expect somebody imperfect to come in and run perfectly. All we can do is cast our vote, and hope the next man in Office will do more right than wrong, but ultimately knowing that God will take care of us in the end. We just have to pray that our new leader, no matter who it is, will follow God's direction.

So good luck to you, the voters, tomorrow, and to both candidates tomorrow.

Mac

Hope Now

2008-10-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

So some friends of mine just put out their new music video for one of my favorite songs. Check it!!

www.addisonroad.com

"We Think These Laws Are Wrong"

2008-10-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

So I've been in college for about a month and a half now. I had my first big paper due today. Glad I got that over with! My grandparents are driving into Nashville as we speak, but I thought I'd update you guys while I had the time, before I meet up with them.

AFRICA

This doesn't seem to be the most logical place to start, but its been the heaviest on my heart. For some reason I can't seem to get it off my mind. When I went home last week for fall break I spent some time in Waco with my best friends Sarah and Amanda. We talked about how our lives had been going and what has been on our hearts. We eventually got talking about Africa and we ended promising we would go on a missions trip there someday. Ever since then Africa seems to pop up everywhere, reminding me of the turmoil going on in different parts of that continent. I'm not sure when that "someday" will be, but I can't forget about it. I recently had a realization that Sky Ranch has a camp in Kenya. While half a summer seems like a long time, I just keep running into the idea of Kenya. What better way to do that than Sky Ranch, a place I know and love. I really am going to pray over this. Maybe even take some classes in Swahili, if they even offer that class at Belmont.

A REVOLUTION

I'm reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne right now. Shane also spoke here right before fall break. Seriously, if you haven't read this book, pick it up, or do some research on Shane and just look at the things he does. Ever since it has seemed like the Scriptures have become more alive! I'm reading in Acts about John and Peter getting thrown into jail multiple times and flogged for preaching the Good news of Jesus, and it is MOVING me. I don't think I ever truly realized how serious it was, or how serious these guys were about talking about Jesus. Believers thought that whatever they had, they should share with the other in their community (not communism, but voluntarily giving away their possessions to the poor and sharing the wealth). Now I'm reading Shane's book and I can see him living out what the Bible says, and it is changing me. What if what Jesus said, was meant to be taken literally? What if the way that Jesus and his disciples (and later the apostles) lived was supposed to be mimicked? It is a radical idea, and I have felt so convicted to join in.

My friend Meredith and I have gotten involved with helping the tenants of the tent city that houses many of Nashville's homeless community. They live in homes made of garbage and cardboard, and the city wants to evict them and tear it down. We're getting involved with the clean up, and protecting the city from destruction until other housing arrangements can be made for the tenants. The posted eviction date for the tenants is approaching, and if the city refuses to help house the remaining tenants there, I hope to be there protesting and preventing the bull dozing. Something inside of me is different.

What I've come to realize is that the world needs to change. The homeless need to be taken care of, just like Jesus said. He broke bread with the lowest of people, not the rich and educated. Luke 5:32 says, "I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent." Right before that it says that the healthy people are not the ones that need a doctor. The sick do. Isn't that the truth? Christians today are so wrapped up in making themselves feel good about going to church that they forget about the widow, the homeless, the orphan, those Jesus said were the MOST important to look after. Change needs to occur. We can't keep waiting for other people to do it.

Here is one of my favorite passages in Shane's book. He is writing about how he was arrested for sleeping in the park with his homeless friends:

As we stood before the judge, I wore a shirt that read, "Jesus was homeless." The judge asked me to step forward, and I did.

He read my shirt aloud and said, "Hmmm. I didn't know that."

I said, "Yes sir, in the Scriptures, Jesus says that 'foxes have holes and birds have nests but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.'"

The judge paused pensively and said, "You guys might stand a chance."

And we did.

Before we went to court, we read all of the Scriptures where jesus warns the disciples that they will be dragged before courts and into jails, and they had new meaning for us. He warned them not to worry about what to say, so we didn't. When the time came for us to testify, Fonz stood up in court and said, "Your Honor, we think these laws are wrong." We said, "Amen. What he said."

Shane and his friends stood up for what they believed in. They

disagreed with the law that prohibited people from sleeping

in public. If these people had no where to live, where else

were they supposed to sleep. Shane shows Jesus by loving the

least. Thats how I want to live my life. Thats where my heart has been.

What can you do to change your community?

Mac

What's to Come!

2008-10-07T21:27:00.001-07:00

I'm due for a blog, but it's late and I don't feel like putting forth the effort right now. Here's a tidbit of what is to come very soon:

-Presidential debacle...will a new President be any better??

-Africa has been on my mind

-An irresistible revolution I'm hopelessly caught up in

-Where my heart has been

More Than Just a Children's Story

2008-09-18T18:49:00.000-07:00

One of the classes I'm taking this semester is Old Testament. I'm not incredibly familiar with the Old Testament, except for the Sunday school Bible lessons I heard growing up like Noah's ark, the fiery furnace, and the parting of the Red Sea. Of course I know a few more things, but I don't know it as well as I know the New Testament. I thought went into the class thinking it was going to be all memorizing facts and dates and genealogies. I've gotten a little more out of it than that.

We are currently going through the first five books (the Pentateuch), and to be honest I haven't read most of them. I've read Genesis before and parts of Exodus, but I have never really read the other three. We just finished Numbers and even though I have been reading all of this out of obligation for class, I can tell the Lord has really been working in me after reading these. I didn't see it at first, but the more I read today the more I realized what the Lord was saying.

As you may know, most of Exodus and on is about Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt, wandering through the wilderness for forty years, and then preparing to enter the promise land. I'd heard it all before, but I had never really studied it. I always had the Prince of Egypt version of the Exodus in my head when I heard it. What the movie didn't show was what happened after they had been out of Egypt for a few days.

The Israelites complained, and they complained a lot. They were thirsty, so they complained, and God gave them water. They were hungry, so they complained some more, and God gave them quail and manna. There are so many instances of these people complaining and God providing. God even gets frustrated with them from time to time. God delivered them out of Egypt and they whined that they would have rather died in Egypt. God provided miracle after miracle and how to they repay Him? They build a golden calf and worship it. God brings them to the edge of the promise land, promising that they will have it, and they complain that they will never defeat the Canaanites and they refuse to go in. They are standing on the edge of the land of plenty, and after God has proved Himself again and again of His faithfulness and power, they still don't have faith in Him. You figure they would learn that the God of their ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, is a good God.

This is starting to sound strangely like my life.

I realized when I was going through my textbook about all these incidents that I am no different than the Israelites sometimes. I complain so much. God provides. I complain some more. Am I ever satisfied simply with what I have? No. It's pathetic. Why can't I ever be happy with what God has provided me with? Why can't I trust Him to take care of me and provide for me? I always try and take control situations myself rather than surrender them. I complain and God provides and I'm never happy. Sometimes I don't understand why He puts up with my stubbornness, why He doesn't just give up on me. But that's not His nature. His perfect goodness and grace is his nature. His mercy. I thank Him everyday for having mercy on me, cause He knows I don't deserve it. I think that is the one thing this class won't be able to explain: how much God loves us. It can't be explained in words. It can't be explained at all. What an awesome God we have that He would love us despite our stubbornness and complaints and rebellious natures. What a God.

I think I'll end on that note.

Be blessed,

Mac

ps. Check out the "Keep No Score" album by Sleeping At Last. I can't get enough of it.

The Highlights

2008-09-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

So we are coming up on the closing of week three here in college. It's already been filled with emotion, laughter, drama, tears, and incredible games of xbox soccer and frisbee. It's about midnight and Kelsey is asleep, but since I took a sinfully long nap today, I'm not tired..at all. So I decided to tell all you awesome bloggers the highlights of the last few weeks.

I've been to the Jon Foreman and Andy Davis shows. Jon Foreman is the lead singer of Switchfoot, for those of you who live in a hole, and he put out four solo albums this past year. I was lucky enough to catch one of his solo shows and I'm pretty sure it was top five. Got some incredible pictures, and I think I'm finally getting the hang of my camera. Andy Davis I actually didn't listen to when I went to see him, but Kelsey is OBSESSED, so I went along. WOW I was missin out on some legit stuff. This guy rocks. We met him after the show, and he was really nice and took a picture with Kelsey, which I'm pretty sure she didn't let me forget for a few days. The next few weeks also hold some incredible shows. My friend Meredith and I are heading to Chattanooga on Sunday to catch Bethany Dillon and Shane & Shane. I seriously will never get sick of seeing these three live. They are simply incredible. Dave Barnes is next Friday, which I am STOKED for, because I have never been able to catch this guy live! I love Nashville, and the abundance of shows in the area.

I went to Derek Webb's house last week, which I really enjoyed, not only because it was Derek Webb's house, but because we had this incredible discussion with the pastor of our RUF group about faith, and different questions people had about its components and other different parts of Christianity. The pastor, Kevin Twit, is so incredibly intelligent. I have a lot of respect for the man. People were definitely asking some difficult questions, and he barely blinked. Incredible. And I met Sandra and Derek Webb, so overall, a great night.

I went home last weekend for Sarah Chisholm's (now Sarah Miller) wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. I cried...and I never cry. I went with three of my best friends, and got to spend time with four of my best friends for an entire weekend. It was incredible. I hated leaving them. But come fall break, we are partying it up gangsta style. I love those girls so much, because I know I can count on them. It's been hard for me to find that lately. AND they are SO much fun to be with. I can be myself. LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!! I got to see my family last weekend too. I missed them, and it wasn't long before my sister and I were biting at each other again. Good times!! She will be sixteen on Monday. Thats so weird. She will be driving. WEIRD.

I've had a few incredible nights out the past few weeks, but I'll save those for another post later.

As for now, I think it's time to end this blog.

Be blessed,

mac

I'm a Nashvillian

2008-08-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

I moved to Nashville a few days ago. I live in a TEEENY TINY little room with a roommate who is pretty much a rock star. We are enjoying it immensely. I will post more later, but I have just a few more moments of time to myself, so I'm going to write some.

Holy Smokes...

2008-08-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

Three days. I have three days. This is really happening. I'm going to college. Pinch me please.

As We Embark.

2008-08-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

18 days.

That's all I have left. I leave for Nashville in two and a half weeks. It's crazy huh? I remember going through the doors on my first day of high school. I never thought this time would come. I thought I'd be stuck perpetually in the over protective grasp of the public school system. I never could picture myself heading ten hours away from everything and everyone I know and love, even in my wildest dreams!

The time has come.

I ship out in 18 days, leaving my Plano address of residence behind, perhaps forever. I seriously think I'll end up staying in Nashville. I have felt more at home there in my visits then I think I have ever felt here. Not that I haven't felt loved by my family and friends, because I have and do, but something was always missing in this city itself. It didn't fit. The girls never understood that I would rather run around in my tshirts and shorts playing frisbee than shop and get dolled up for some crazy party. Most didn't understand that I don't drink or curse or smoke or rebel because some invisible being told me not to. This city's religious affiliation is shopping and partying. Designer stores on every corner, make it pretty obvious. It isn't me. Something about Nashville fits though. People seem to understand.

I remember times when I would have given anything to get out of here. Times when I was hurting. We've all hurt at some point these past few of years. We've all felt pain for some reason. Gossip, betrayal, loss, lies, or hate, we've felt it. Sometimes we didn't understand why it happened or how someone could do that, but feeling that pain is a small reminder that we are alive. We are alive. We have to lick our wounds, get up, and try again. That's high school. That's life. Sometimes we feel like we have no more fight in us and we just want to run like hell, but we get up anyways and get back in the ring because that last hit just gave us a little bit more strength. Every hit makes us stronger. Sometimes we have to hit the ground and pray for strength, but it will come. Strength will always come. Hope will always arrive. We learn from it so you don't get taken down like that again. I was hit so many times during the last four years, but I wouldn't take them away for the world, because I wouldn't be the person I am today. There is a purpose for the pain.

It brings us closer to our friends, creates a tighter community, because truly, community is what life is about. People matter. We couldn't make it through life alone. So for all of you that have helped pick me up when I have fallen, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you all the very best on your upcoming adventure. We are all in this together, just heading different directions. I will look for your names in lights, and your faces will always be with me. At the risk of stating a cheesy metaphor, I'll remember you when I see the stars, because although I can't always see them, they are always there. You will be in my heart.

I was scarred but now I'm healed. Love heals. Love others as you embark, you won't regret it.

Best of luck,

MacKenzie

Celebrate Good Times COME ON!

2008-07-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm in Mexico. Cancun to be precise. It was time for our family to take a trip so we headed here. Its been crazy so far.

The trip started out with it taking six hours to actually get to Cancun. We had to land in Cozumel because of the storms here, and we sat on the runway there for over an hour. Once we finally got to Cancun and our first stop in customs, we went to go get our bags. Of course, whose bag was missing? Yup. Mine. They were hoping it would come in on the next flight, but because of the storms, they weren't sure if the plane would even make it in. So I slept in the same clothes I traveled in, brushed my teeth my sisters toothpaste and a towel from the hotel. It was not my favorite day. My bag finally came in late yesterday though. Praise the Lord it did because I don't think I would have been able to handle one more minute in those nasty clothes. I smelled like airplane, beach water, greasy food, and hotel. Not a great combination.

It's our third day here, but unfortunately our first day to actually go outside. Tropical storm Dolly hit yesterday and the day before we experienced the beginnings of that. Some incredible storms and lightning blew through here. It was such a great sight, but going outside was like walking through hurricane force winds.

Today was beautiful, surprising due to the insane weather the past few days, but the water was so blue and it was a perfect 83 degrees outside, with just enough wind to keep you from getting too hot. I spent all day outside getting tanned mostly with just the slightest hint of sun burn on my face. I guess a day can't be too perfect. Tomorrow, snorkeling is on the agenda. I can't wait to see how that goes.

We are having dinner tonight in the hotel. It's one of those, get dressed up really fancy with make-up and nice hair, restaurants. Actually, most of the restaurants here are like that. Men have to wear pants, women have to look nice, you have to make a reservation two days before. If you know me at all, I'm not one of those, dress up and make-up kind of girls. So this will be an adventure. We will see if I can actually handle one night of the pretty girl life. This will be interesting.

It's funny how different people really are. How not one person is the same. There are people here from all around the world. Different countries, different dialects, different colors, styles, and habits. Just being here for three days has really shown me how unique the world is. Just the way people behave here, the things they wear (or don't wear) on the beach, or how they treat those people around them, really shows the differences in cultures and nations around the world. It's cool really. Seeing how the German men are completely opposite of the Latin American men, or the British women from the Australian women. I love people watching. Except I don't like people watching, when you happen to come across people not wearing clothes. Ick. That tends to happen a lot here. Different cultures, different ways.

Well I need to finish getting all pretty, but I will update once more before this trip is over. OOOO the bomb episode of Grey's is on. Ciao folks!!

Mac

Its SIGMA time!!!

2008-06-29T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well I'm off to camp tomorrow!!! I would love mail, packages, or email!!

If you prefer "snail" mail you can send it here:

MacKenzie Wolf

Sky Ranch Ute Trail

1329 Hwy 149

Powderhorn, CO 81243

keep in mind I'm only there for one week so packages/letters should be sent by tuesday at the latest if that is the method you prefer...

now there is an email address that you can use to email me things...but im having issues with getting it set up...i will have my sister post information tomorrow when we get the issues figured out tomorrow at registration!!

See you all in a week!

I Can't Help Myself

2008-06-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

Just a few things before I head out:

I have to move out of my room this week. Everything has to be out. EVERYTHING. Basically I'm packing for college. I will be living out of boxes for the rest of the summer. Why you ask? Because we are re-tiling my sister and mine's bathroom and putting wood floors in our entire upstairs..ergo moving out. I don't know how I am going to get it done by Saturday. It should be interesting. I'll let you know if I actually get it done.
I get to go to some ROCKIN' shows this week. I'm actually about to head out for The Almost show. The last time they were in town the show was sold out two weeks before the show. My friend Amanda and I bought the tickets two weeks ago and are SO stoked to finally see them. They're album is INCREDIBLE. If you have lived in a cave and haven't heard/bought the album, then stop reading this right now and buy it...seriously stop. For those of you who have bought it, you may continue reading. Friday and Saturday is Celebrate Freedom. This is the first year I will actually be able to go and I am SO excited. It's going to be hot and gross but it will be one of the best shows EVER. David Crowder, Shane and Shane, Skillet, Dizmas, Phil Wickham, Sanctus Real, Hawk Nelson, and [insert drumroll here] Addison Road!!! Yes yes I'm going to yet another AROAD show, but I can't help myself...they are just so awesome! I'm really excited for this weekend.
I head to camp on Sunday so I won't be posting much more, but I'll try to get one more good post in before then. We shall see. But I must get going...Aaron Gillepsie calls.

Until next time, be blessed!

Mac

The Simple Things

2008-06-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

It has been a whirlwind past couple of weeks. I graduated from high school, I attended more graduation parties in one week than I have parties in 3 years, I went to Belmont orientation, I took a one day trip to Colorado, and I realized something about life.

Graduation was a mix of emotions. I was/am excited to finally be out of high school. I had a hard time with high school. Stupid pointless drama festivities, people still thinking they are cooler than everyone else and trying to fit in with some crowd that doesn't really want them in the first place. High school was a place of heart ache, pain, disappointment and sometimes failure. But it was in high school that I finally realized how great it was to just be myself, my nerdy, unorganized, music loving self. I realized that I didn't care if people thought my shoes or hair or shirt was dorky. I love my Chacos. I love my red streaks. I love the shirts I get from randomshirts.com. People no longer can tell me otherwise. High school also holds some of the best memories with my friends. Walks through the park at midnight, driving through Dallas in a small car, frisbee games, guitar hero matches, and songwriting with friends. I will never forget some of the times I had in high school, the good and bad. Those experiences began the process of me becoming the woman I will eventually be. I can't wait to meet her.

Graduation parties are expensive. It's as easy as that. Expensive for those that you go to and expensive for those that come to yours. I'm currently using my graduation gift from my parents. My new Macbook (who's official name is Lucy).

Orientation was like torture because I knew that when it was over I would have to come back home and wait another two and a half months before I could finally move to Nashville. I love that town. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love Nashville. I love my school, my major, my classes, my roommate, my fellow classmates, and even my tiny little dorm room. The thought of starting fresh, of leaving some of those bad things behind and beginning a brand new chapter in my life excites me down to the depths of my soul. College is a time of growth. Growth as a person, growth in God, growth in understanding of the world. I'm ready for it. More ready than I have ever been for anything (except maybe camp). I begin the shopping next week and I am so excited to get started. Oh and another thing I love about Nashville: Franklin, a suburb of Nashville. It has a small town feel to it with its small boutiques and shops owned by Franklinites themselves, but has over 52,000 residents. I loved every store I went into, which doesn't happen often because I hate shopping! =] There was one particular shop called Philanthropy that I loved. Some of their profits went to help relief efforts in Sudan. All the products in the store had a very earthy feel to them. They had an entire section for paper and journals and stationaries. They had this one type of paper that had been recycled from elephant poop. It was the cutest paper, but the thought of it kind of grossed me out. I bought this tiny little journal. The cover has reeds for the binding and leaves for the cover. The pages are hand pressed. It's absolutely beautiful. My roommate and I came to a conclusion that I have an obsession with journals. It's pretty ridiculous actually. I currently have 4 empty journals ready for me to being writing and thinking on their pages. It will take me a couple years to get through those, and I'll probably buy some more. Oh and all you country music fans will get a kick out of the fact the I saw Taylor Swift in Franklin. Now I don't like her music one bit, but I know there are fans out there!

My family decided to take a day trip out to Telluride, Colorado to stay with some great family friends of ours. We took their jet out to their cabin and just relaxed. It was some well needed thinking/relaxing/napping time. I sat outside for about an hour by myself listening to the birds and various buzzing noises. That was all I could hear. No cars, no helicopters or planes, no screaming of the neighbor's kids. Just wind and trees and birds and bees (no, making that statement or that rhyme was not intentional). Later that night my friend and I jumped on four wheelers and rode around in the mountains looking for elk. We saw entire herds grazing in the grass, popping their heads up at the sounds of our approaching vehicles. It was breath taking. So much beauty in one place cannot be possible. I wonder if God just got bored during His creation of the Earth and decided to create one of the most beautiful pieces of artwork in the universe, just because He felt like it. He can do that. He can take a girl who has been lost for a while and in one moment, in one sunset, in one elk, change her. I've realized how I try to take control of my life. That's not how it's meant to be.

I have been struggling with myself for a while now. I've been struggling with the idea that I'm never good enough, that I'm not going to live my dreams, that I won't be able to succeed in life, that I'm not worthy enough. It's taken me far from God. I simply can't find the strength to surrender. The fear that I will never be on that stage for God overtakes me and I back into my dark corner, hoping He won't see me. The scary part is that He can see me. He can see my stubbornness, my struggling, my fear, yet He still wants me to come to Him. I know I must do it, but it is one of the hardest things I think I will ever have to do. I know I'm not supposed to be in control. That's what I realized up on that mountain. Life isn't about worrying about what my career will be five years from now. That's God's job. He already has it figured out. Life's about trees, birds, reading a good book, listening to a great album, taking random trips to Colorado, playing games of frisbee with your friends, laughing a lot. Laughing. Life's about God, laughing, and simpleness. It isn't money or worrying or planning. It's rain, and guitars, and love. It's the simple things like love, that will make life worthwhile.

Summer is here...

2008-06-06T22:56:00.001-07:00

...and it has been crazy busy so far.

Besides work, I've had graduation parties every night. Tomorrow is number 4. I love hanging out with my friends, but there are so many, its hard to keep up with.

I actually have gotten a lot done though since school got out. I've cleaned out my desk. I found all my old school britney spears and nsync albums so i've been jamming out to those. For the next week or so I've got a different part of my room to clean out. Yesterday was the desk, today was my dresser top, which I actually think will not get done today. There was so much random junk on it, I don't know where to put half of it. Then I've got under my sink, my bedside table, and under my bed. Just trying to get a jump start on getting organized before I have to move all of it out. Its a mess now but I know i'll be thankful i did it come august.

Today was eventful. After attempting a dresser clean, I found out about a Shane and Shane concert right next to my house...about ten minutes before it started. So my friend and I ran up to the church it was at. I ran into bethany dillon for a few minutes, then went into the show, which, as always, was incredible. The shane's do such a great job at getting you pumped for jesus. Not in a mosh pit, head banging way, but in a lift your hands, sing at the top of your lungs, type of way. It was great.

78 days until i move to nashville. 5 days until orientation though. i'm excited to get back there.

well i'll post a serious blog soon. but its too late.

goodnight all,
mac

Almost There

2008-05-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the last week:

#1) This precious little girl was Maria Chapman, the daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman. She was five years old, and tragically killed in an accident last Wednesday. Words can't describe how this family must be feeling right now. I can't put together any words that would even come close to comforting them now. All I know is that heaven just gained a beautiful little angel. Pray for this family as they mourn this tragic loss.

#2) On a lighter note: the Grey's Anatomy finale. Yes I am one of those retarded people who likes Grey's, but I've watched it for 4 seasons and I don't plan on stopping. ANYWAYS..the end rocked!! All the kisses, except the lesbian kiss (sorry I just can't stand watching that sort of thing), were sweet. When Meredith and Derek kissed my sister and I, almost in unison, screamed "FINALLY!!" Took long enough right? I mean we could all feel it coming all season, but we weren't sure when it would happen. And the candles were AWESOME. Don't know where she got those, but a cute idea. Ok, I'm done ranting.

#3) I won free tickets to the Children 18:3 show. It was INCREDIBLE!!! This band is so much fun to simply watch. I may not even know all the words to the songs, but simply by their energy, they keep you engaged in the show. Can't say enough good stuff about this band. Got some AWESOME pictures as well. I'm getting better at my show photography.

#4) Ok this one is actually coming up, but I only have 3 more days of high school left EVER! I can't believe its almost over. No more busy work, no more stupid pointless projects, no more classes that I don't care about. College is approximately 88 days away!!! I am SO excited, but getting sad at the same time. I'm not ready to leave some people. I'm ready for something new, but not ready to leave those I love behind. My mom asked me today if she thought I would continue to live in Nashville after college. I told her honestly that I probably would. She didn't take it well, and I realized that I have 88 days left where Texas is my permanent home and home to my friends and family. Gosh now I'm getting sad.

#5) I got a haircut, finally.

#6) I got the song "Everything Starts Where it Ends" by Lovedrug. LOVE IT. "Wake up, you're alive, we're on your side!"

That's it for tonight! Have a blessed week whether you are on summer break already or finishing up!

Mac

Reverse Journal Part 3 of 3

2008-05-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

Side note: Sorry it took me so long to get this up here. Prom/projects/work/graduation stuff is keeping me SWAMPED. But here it is...the final installment:

Well the time for GMA week has finally come. I've been waiting for this for a long time. The band is at a meet-and-greet right now, but the craziness is about to begin. I love the felling that is in this place. Everyone is ok with who everyone else is, an artist, a manager, or just a girl tagging along with her favorite band. I met Phil Wickham and just to see how friendly he was and humble was incredible. He didn't see himself above me because he has a record label. These people are incredible. So far I've seen Aaron Shust, Krystal Meyers, Group-1-Crew, and of course, Phil Wickham. The showcase tonight will add to that number. I'm so excited and thankful to be here. I can't believe I get this opportunity. Most people would kill to have this chance. Maybe one day I'll actually be the artist. Maybe wishful thinking, but dreams come true right?
I'm looking out over Nashville right now. I'm not sure if I could love this city more than I do. Its full of history and although its very honky-tonk, I love it even more. I love how I will be living in the music capital of the world. I mean for a girl who loves music already, talk about the perfect place to live! Concert venues on every corner and music playing everywhere you turn. People playing on the streets, coming out of bars-although its usually being sung very badly. Two major music award shows occur here. Not many places can say they even have one. I just can't get over the fact that I"ll be living here in 4 months. I've got a rockin' roommate, a brand new dorm, and the city at my fingertips. I love how there are hills and trees here. I simply love Tennessee.

Reverse Journal Part 2 of 3

2008-04-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

Day two of GMAs is going well. It's been all interviews today...ALL DAY...which has actually been really fun, except mostly I just sit in the corner and don't talk. But I'm learning a lot.

So far here are all the people I've met:
-Mac Powell (Third Day)
-Shane Everett
-Chris Tomlin
-Louie Giglio
-The Afters
-Leeland Mooring (Leeland)
-Steven Curtis Chapman
-MercyMe
-33 Miles
-Sara Groves
-Thousand Foot Krutch
-Hawk Nelson
-Phil Wickham
-Laura Story

Here is who I've seen:
-Sanctus Real
-BarlowGirl
-Shawn McDonald
-Point of Grace
-Kutless
-NeedtoBreathe
-Rush of Fools
-Everyday Sunday
-Aaron Shust
-Mark Hall (Casting Crowns)
-Chris Sligh
-Rebecca St. James
-Alvin Slaughter
-Caedmon's Call
-Derek Webb
-John Cooper (Skillet)
-Run Kid Run
-Spoken
-Capitol Heights
-Children 18:3
-Todd Agnew
-TobyMac
-Jeremy Camp
-Adie Camp

Anyways, I've been sitting through interviews all day (I am currently in one) and I've picked up a lot of tips. I've realized that I tend to write these dark songs about my struggles and pain, but while this isn't wrong, Christian music is also about hope and redemption. It's ok to write dark songs because it's definitely an emotional outlet, but I need to write about the hope that Christ gives me and completion I find in Him. I am going to challenge myself to write a song in which people can find hope. People need to know about how I deal with struggles, but they HAVE to know about the hope I find in Christ after He brings me out of that struggle. That hope is what keeps me rooted in Him. The hope of a future that He is in control of. The hope in a love that is everlasting. The hope in the only One who will always be there no matter how far I stray.

All I have is hope in You
All I know is that you'll pull through
No matter how far I run
Or how stubborn I become
All I am is Your love, that's true.

Reverse Journal Part 1 of 3

2008-04-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

So I just got back from GMA week with Addison Road. I journaled a lot this week so I want to share that with you guys, but I want to start with the most recent journal and move backwards. Keep things interesting. Anyways here is part one.

Finally got onto a plane home after being delayed for two hours. To be honest, I had a small hope in the pit of my stomach that I would get stuck and never have to come back. This place has already taken on a feeling of home. I think its the fact that I feel at peace there. I know deep down that Nashville is where I'm supposed to be, but it is so hard to wait. God wants me there, and I want too go. I know I wouldn't feel this calmness if it truly wasn't where I was supposed to be.

But now I'm flying over "home", wrapped in a sea of clouds and colors. I don't know if the colors are just the sun reflected off the window or the actual sky, but I know its beautiful. Its a blue like I've never seen. Its pictures of beauty like this that truly make me want to cry. God is such an incredible artist.

I'm reading Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller and he talks about some of the most incredible things. About if we could truly give up caring about things that don't really matter, maybe humanity could be as we are created to be: worshipers of God. We are to worship Him in all we do, but we let retirement plans, and job promotions, and the latest cars, and the hottest hairstyles get in our way of that. It really makes me realize how much I have, but how much i OBSESS about not having enough, or about how well it works, etc. That isn't living life. Living is about praising God for what he has blessed us with, then following our passions to find our major plan in life that God has laid out for us. Sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zones, taking risks, and doing things we may not be ready to do. Thats what life is about. It isn't checkbooks and televisions. It's worship and obedience and colors and love. Worship the Lord through the good times and bad. Obey Him when He says "GO!" Take in the colors and see in them the presence of something greater than ourselves. Love others no matter who they are, and even when it seems impossible, because love, about all other things of this world, is strong enough to break walls and move mountains. That is life. That's how I want to live.

On that note, I say goodnight.
Mac

I'm An Adult?

2008-04-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

ON BEING 18

Well another birthday has come and gone. I guess this one was kind of a big deal. I mean 18 is a big deal right? Technically I'm adult in the eyes of the state. I can buy cigarettes, lottery tickets, and porn (not that I plan to). I can sign most forms by myself now and get tattoos and piercings without parental consent. I can also be tried as an adult in court, and carry alcohol. WHOOO HOO! But really I don't feel like an adult. I feel the same as I did at 17 just with the added pride of saying I'm 18. 18 sounds cooler. This morning though I was on my way to school and had a cute little experience. You see currently I have writing all over my car. Things like "I'm legal!" and "HONK I'm the birthday girl!" (yes i get at least a honk a day) are covering my car, not to mention the orange and yellow heart on my front windshield. Well on my way to school this morning, a little girl waiting for the bus saw my car and was pointing and laughing because she liked the heart. It made her happy. I like making people happy. It makes me happy. =] Oh and I will be skydiving as part of my 18th birthday celebration, so I will let you know about that! Lets hope I survive.

ON MUSIC

My friends know I love music, so for my birthday I've received about $50.00 in iTunes giftcards. GLORIOUS. Here is some of the stuff I have bought in the last week (not all of it was with the money, but most):

This Will Destroy You "Young Mountain" album
Hawk Nelson "Hawk Nelson is My Friend" album
Explosions in the Sky "The Earth is Not A Cold Dead Place" album
Dave Barnes "You, Me, and the World" album
Jars of Clay "Work"
Iron & Wine "Naked As We Came"
Bloc Party "Positive Tension"
Nada Surf "Always Love"

ON MY ISSUE WITH RAP MUSIC
I can't stand the stuff. I argue with my sister and other people all the time about it. The argument starts with me saying I can't stand the lyrics because of the profanity and the subject of the lyrics. It's always degrading. I then get this rebuttal, "But I don't listen to the lyrics, I just listen to the music!" You're KIDDING me right? So if I was to turn on the latest 50 Cent hit, you wouldn't know all the words? Of course you would! So that part of your argument is shot down, now on to destroy the second part. Yes its "music" so to speak, but really? The background "music" is completely made on a computer. Every now and then a legitimate instrument will make it in, but not very often. It's not music in the background people. That's electronic. If you want to listen to MUSIC and not the lyrics here are some suggestions that are actually something good:
Sigur Ros-The lyrics are either in Icelandic, or Hopelandic (a made up language). The lyrics are meant to act as another instrument.
Explosions In The Sky-As I said above, I bought their "The Earth is Not A Cold Dead Place" album and it is phenomenal. Really laid back and chill. Great if you need to think.
This Will Destroy You-Basically the same as above, but phenomenal on a different level. It's an emotional album.

ON SUMMING UP
I never know how to finish these things. I guess I leave saying a few things I'm excited for:
Shawn McDonald on Friday
GMA week in 12 days
Skydiving in a month or so

Well have a great week and I'll try and be better about updating.

Mac Flizzow

I lied.

2008-04-01T13:35:00.001-07:00

SORRY. Soon I will update though!

Cross My Heart

2008-03-25T15:26:00.001-07:00

I'll post tonight. Promise.

Its 4:30 am

2008-03-12T02:38:00.001-07:00

And I'm awake. I was sick last night and went to bed at 7:30. Now I'm awake, really hungry, and can't go back to sleep. So heres a few things I thought I would share.

Today is our schools annual blood drive. I'm volunteering/donating. I hate needles. This should be interesting. I'm kind of excited though. Giving something so vital for my life to someone who needs it for theirs. It will feel good...after they get the needle away from me.

I finally have a roommate for next year. We've been talking about everything, and it just seemed right. We have already discussed that I'm bringing the N64 and Mario Kart, and that we have to come to an agreement on the total number of guitars I can bring. We are both so excited we can't wait for it to get here.

Which brings me to another topic. i need a new guitar amp. Marshall I think. I'll be heading to the guitar center in the next few weeks I guess. =]

Thats all i have for now. Thanks for reading my nighttime rambolings.

mac

Drinking in life

2008-03-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend was one of the best in a long time. When all you do is work on the weekends, it's nice to take one off and enjoy being around friends. Recap:

Friday:

After turning in a paper that I spent all of Thursday night working on, I headed to Irving to join Addison Road at their Dallas stop on the Planet Wisdom tour. I spent most of this night listening to the conference and Mark Matlock, who I must say, is a very good speaker. He really opened my heart up to some things in my life I think I have been denying were there. Wrote two new songs that night as well which I'll post when I get them fine-tuned.

Saturday:

Headed back up to Irving and spent that day at PW taking pictures, helping pack up, and getting to know the guys of the band. We played a couple of games of 31, and after I was annihilated the first round I came back and won second the next game. Watch out Jeff. Next time I won't be so nice. =] I'm excited to be spending some more time with everyone in the months to come. They are incredible people. When Travis started dancing on stage, I couldn't help but laugh. He was letting his feet go! 2 weeks until the new album!!

Saturday (night):

My friend Laura's birthday was on Valentine's Day so we celebrated her birthday Saturday. We went to this incredible Asian food restaurant. I enjoyed my prime short ribs, while everyone around me enjoyed endless rolls of sushi...ick. This is the birthday girl and what was left of her dessert after everyone else demolished it. It was delicious. =] After a delicious dinner and fun conversations with friends, we all headed to our cars. Somehow 6 of ended up packed into my friends tiny little passat. Four of us were sitting in the back completely uncomfortable the entire time, but having an incredible time. We drove around north dallas with the windows and sun room down and music blasting at an unhealthy level. I just sat there, soaking it in. I nearly cried a couple of times. Once was because when we got out of the car my back gave out and I fell...but the other was because I think it was the first time it truly hit me that my time with my friends is almost gone. We are all seniors, heading to different parts of the country in five months with busy schedules this summer. I don't think I ever have appreciated how blessed I am to have the incredible friends I have as I did that night. I said something jokingly to my best friend Amy that night as I sat with my body awkwardly placed next to her.

"Amy I've never felt as close to you as I do right now."

While this was sarcastic, I think everybody agreed that it was completely true. We simply were enjoying each other's presence. I was thinking "This is what life is truly about. Spending time with the people you love, doing something a little crazy (and maybe a little illegal), and enjoying every minute of it." I am so sad that this year is flying by. Before I know it, I'll be saying goodbye to everyone, packing up, and moving to Nashville for the next four years. I love these girls with all my heart. I don't think I would trade that night for anything.

Brooke Fraser says in her song Deciphering Me "It's love, it's love that holds us, we will be alright."

She's absolutely right.

Mac

Go Bruins!

2008-02-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

Well it is official. I am headed to Nashville, TN in six months. I've sent in my acceptance of their acceptance, received scholarship, and applied for more. I have an email account and I am starting to meet people who are just as excited/nervous/terrified as I am. It's almost here. I can't wait to get out of high school. I just can't stand it any more. =]

Oh I'm so happy.

Mac

These Should Win Awards

2008-02-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

Sarah Groves - I Saw What I Saw

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

Brooke Fraser - C.S. Lewis Song

If i find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that i fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am i lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

Ummmm...hello some incredible writers right there. if you buy two songs this week, buy those two. i can't stop listening. so gooood. i just had to tell you.

mac

Lent and Easter Egg Fights

2008-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

Ash Wednesday was this past week. People all around my school and in my classes were talking about how they had given up chocolate, or Starbucks, or soda, or someother trivial object. By Thursday everyone was complaining how they wanted that chocolate or Starbucks or soda. I really didn't see the point of giving something up. I knew I could give up soda because I had already given it up for new years last year. I'm not really a chocoholic so that wouldn't be a big deal. I didn't see the point in giving any of that up. First of all, I'm not Catholic, I'm baptist, and we don't participate in Lent, or at least it isn't required. Second of all, people use Lent as a way to start their "diet" by not eating sweets, or they bet with each other on how long the other can go without that certain something. I didn't want to give up something for Lent, just because I wanted to make some money or a few extra pounds.

Thursday night, I was reading a blog of a friend of mine. She discussed her views on Lent, and how they were somewhat similar to mine. She said:

Want Easter to mean something to you this year? Want the life, death, and resurrection, the foundation of our faith, to come alive to you? Do you seek something real? More importantly, do you need to come face to face with our holy, kind, loving, gracious, and forgiving Savior? Then don't give up gum! Do away with something that is important to you and apart of your soul. Often, we cannot encounter Christ because there is too much "stuff" in our lives that get in the way. So, we give something up for Lent, something that has the attention of our hearts and souls, we do away with it for a while so that in its stead we draw close to Christ. In it's absence our souls are reminded to turn to God. To seek Him. To worship Him. To align ourselves with Him. To anticipate what He will do when we quietly walk a way from something of the world and turn our eyes upon Him instead.

I guess I forgot about what Lent is really about. It's about giving up something we CONSUME our time with instead of spending it growing closer to the Lord, so we can truly celebrate the great day that is his resurrection, Easter. No people, the holiday isn't about eating WAY too much chocolate and hunting plastic eggs in a field. It's about Jesus rising from the dead on the third day. Does that sink in? Jesus ROSE from the DEAD! It doesn't get much more spectacular than that.

Funny Easter story: I spend every Easter with my Dad's side of the family: 2 grandparents, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and four other cousins. We used to always have Easter egg hunts, but now that all the cousins are above the age of 15, they don't really appeal to us anymore. Unless...your grandmother puts money in the eggs instead of candy. Hello appeal. She gave each of us an egg color we had to find and there were like 10 in all, all filled with $1.00. Thats ten free dollars people. =] Well what ended up happening was that when we would find an egg of another color, we would throw the egg across the yard, playing a sort of keep away, until it would end up in the pond. We would get those eggs though. So by the end of the day, we were covered in grass stains and wet to our ankles, and completely winded, but it was good to act like a four year old again.

ANYWAYS, In light of this information I had completely forgotten about, I decided to sacrifice something for Lent, something that was really important to me, but something that also takes up my time. This wasn't very hard to figure out, though. So I gave up (insert drum roll here)...facebook. While this may not seem as a feat for any of you, I spend HOURS on it a day, doing absolutely NOTHING. So I've sworn off facebook for the next however many days. This may be a little difficult. I haven't been on in three days, and I'm already struggling, but I also feel so much more rested physically and spiritually. Pray that I can keep this up.

In other news, I'm heading into my friends studio Monday to record a few songs that I'm going to enter into a songwriting competition at god-song.com. I'll get those recordings up on myspace as soon as they are finished! Can't wait for you to hear em!

Until next time, be blessed,
Mac

The Stack

2008-02-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

This is currently the stack of books sitting by my bed. Yes, I'm one of those dorks who enjoys reading, but I can't help it! There are books I'm currently reading, books I've been reading for a while, books I'm re-reading, journals and bibles. From bottom to top: travel lyric journal, Shopaholic Ties The Knot by Sophie Kinsela, new journal I just bought handmade in Nepal, a digital photography handbook, The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, my Bible (NLT), The Message Bible, Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, and finally my current journal. Thats eleven books in all.

My travel lyric journal is just that, a journal that I take with me to write lyrics in. Its slowly filling up.

STTK is part of a series I started reading when a friend gave me the first book because I needed something to read on a trip. I've been reading this one for a while now. Its about a girl who shops too much and when her boyfriend pops the question, she is determined to not go overboard with wedding spending, although she fails miserably. A completely girly book.

The new journal I bought at Barnes and Nobles is possibly the coolest thing ever. The cover is made of hand woven hemp and each page was hand-made. You can see the grains and other imperfections in the paper. I haven't started writing in it yet, but I can't wait.

I recently received a Nikon D40 SLR (picture above taken with it). Its basically a fancy way of saying a camera I've wanted for a long time. It gorgeous, but I have been reading the handbook to learn more about the settings on it, so I can take better quality pictures.

The Great Divorce can't be explained with words. C.S. Lewis is a brilliant writer and this book is so eloquently written I can't even describe it to you. Read it and you won't be disappointed.

The Ragamuffin Gospel is a look into how the Gospel isn't for the put together and self righteous, but rather it is for the "ragamuffins" and weak and broken. This book explores into that idea. It's completely altered the way I see Jesus, and how I approach the Bible.

P&P is the most recent addition to "the stack". Jane Austen-need I say more?

My Bibles-the two most important books in there.

Velvet Elvis is making its second trip through the stack. I read it the first time in two days, but now I'm reading it again trying to soak it all in. Its such a refreshingly honest book. Bell says what he means. Greatness.

My current journal is filled with everything from drawings to ventings to lyrics to favorite quotes and verses. Not sure where I would be without it.

Not sure what the point of telling you ANY of that was, but I think now you know me a bit better.

Until next time,
Mac

ps. check out the song "overboard" by matthew if you get the chance. INCREDIBLE

For the Dreamers...

2008-01-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

I have always had this problem of getting involved with something and being super excited about it, but as the actual event draws closer, I get nervous or intimidated and drop out. I did it in school choir shows when auditioning for solos. I have done it with numerous things at church. Basically cold feet sinks in, and I sink.

There was one time a little over a year ago when I was asked to perform in a Battle of the Bands (or artists in my case) and after asking my parents and praying about it, I accepted. The top three performers in the contest would perform at the SHOUTFEST festival in front of hundreds. The winner of that show, would continue on to Rockettown in Nashville to compete with the other winners from around the nation. I had to perform two original songs in front of a crowd and a panel of judges. Ummm..lets just say I was a BIT nervous. About two weeks before the show, I nearly backed out again. I almost sent an email that would have pulled me out of the competition. Before I sent it though I began thinking about all the times I had "chickened out". I knew that I couldn't continue to live that way. I figured that if I wanted to be a performing musician one day, that I should suck it up and take the opportunities I was given. I couldn't cancel on some of the biggest chances of a lifetime.

I didn't send the email. So on that bright October day, my Dad and I loaded up his car with my guitar and we set off. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had no amp, no equipment, no IDEA what I was getting into, but I knew I had to go through with it. I get to the small little venue in Sherman, TX, and get all my information that I needed. I ended up having to ask another band if I could borrow their amp. They graciously lent it to me, I performed my two songs, and I ended up in 5th, trailing the 3rd place contender by 2 points. Thats right, two points. I didn't advance, but I was so proud of myself for actually going through with it. It provided some AWESOME opportunities that I would never have experienced anywhere else. I performed with a band (the same one that lent me an amp) that will probably be signed to a major any day now (A Road Less Traveled). I talked with people from music labels and others in the industry. I took a God given opportunity and went through with it.

In short: The costs of being afraid of failing your dream are far less than the rewards of trying.

Mac

Emotional Overload

2008-01-23T21:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it is just a peak of high running female hormones, or just something odd going on, but lately it seems as if every emotion I have is on an elevated level. I feel so much love for a person, I feel like bursting. I hurt so much I want to cry. The remedy: new music.

Yes I have been known to call myself a "music junkie", but I think it has reached a new level this week. Artists I've bought music from this week: Sigur Ros, OneRepublic, Your Vegas, Duke Ellington, Nicole Atkins. I'm contemplating going to buy some Eisley, Copeland, or more Sigur Ros right now. A curse people. I don't have the money to buy all this music, but I can't stop myself.

Sigur Ros album ( ) -that is the name of it- is SO great. Great instrumentals with the occasional "hopelandic" language syllable (that is the "language" of any lyrics in the songs). WOW.

If any of you have any more suggestions help a girl out. Give me your favorite songs so I can try and calm down my emotions.

Thanks!

Your emotional train wreck,
Mac

Music Mania Part 2 - Review

2008-01-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

The Wedding - Polarity

So I completely bought this CD on a random whim. I saw it, had heard one song off of it before, so I bought it. Wasn't expecting to like it all that much.

Man, was I wrong! Popped it into my CD player in my car, and it didn't get taken out until I had gone through it about eight times. Every song surprised me. "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" begins with bagpipes! I mean c'mon, not many bands can pull that off! Then I-540 slows down a bit with a song about their sacrifice leaving their home in Arkansas, only to completely surprise me again with the sudden tempo change at the end. There's a hidden track on the song "Fireworks" that cracks me up.

Favorite song on the CD though goes to "It's Time To Rock (OK?)". It never fails to get me banging my hands on the steering wheel with the windows down and it turned up to an unhealthy volume. Even the screaming at the end isn't out of place or distasteful. I find myself screaming along (and I'm definitely NOT a screamer).

In short, if you like to rock out a bit, don't hesitate to get this CD. I should by CD's at random more often. Apparently I make good choices!

What are you waiting for? Go get it!

Mac

Giggles

2008-01-12T21:43:00.000-08:00

This will put you in a better mood no matter how bad it is...

Music Mania Part 1

2008-01-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have a very eclectic taste in music. I love almost every type of music. Almost being the key word. Can't stand degrading rap music thats dripping with profanity and sexual content. Who decided it was cool to listen to that anyways? I also very much dislike sappy country songs. Feeling sorry for yourself never got anyone any where (could it be a problem that I will be living in Nashville for the next four years?). Other than those two types, I love music. From acoustic pop to hard rock to bluegrass. It's all incredible. The next few types will be diving into some of my favorite artists, some CD reviews from my most recent purchases, and other topics including music. This could go anywhere. Read at your own risk!

Top 5 Favorite Artists/Bands:

1. Bethany Dillon-One word that describes her music: Inspired. I'm not sure whether it's her deep powerful lyrics or her folk-sy voice that makes me love her music so much, but I just can't get enough of it. One of her 3 CD's is always somewhere nearby and I can play about 75% of her songs on the guitar. She is the one that inspired me to play and begin writing in the first place. I always thought you had to be out of college with an eight person band backing you up before you could even consider being a serious musician. I saw her doing it and it changed my perspective on the music scene. Genius.

2. Addison Road-Not sure if I could love this band anymore. These people are SO sweet and truly love what they are doing and you can tell from their passion that they love the Lord. They are incredible worship leaders and their songs are so powerful. Check out their debut from INO March 18!! It is going to be INCREDIBLE!

3. BarlowGirl-3 sisters rocking out and doing what they love. I've never seen a band so devoted to getting their message across. These girls don't date, they take a stand on modesty, and they are doing an incredible job at getting our generation pumped up for Jesus. They aren't afraid to speak His name and they encourage their fans to do the same. Great music. Great message. Great stuff.

4. Shane & Shane-Words can't describe their music. Listen to it yourself. You won't be disappointed. Their most recent album "Pages" is about as close to perfection as it gets.

5. The Almost-The number five spot was a hard one to decide between The Almost, Paramore, and Shawn McDonald, but I made a decision. This spot will probably change on a regular basis. ANYWAYS, The Almost is a new band but with members familiar to the music world. Aaron Gillipse (drummer of Underoath) created the Almost. While varying vocally from Underoath's hard rock "screamo", The Almost still keeps that hard rock feel without the intensity of screaming. Their songs "Say it Sooner" "Southern Weather" and "Everyone Here Smells Like A Rat" rock on a different level. They then slow it down with "Dirty and Left Out" and the incredible version of amazing grace with "Amazing Because It Is". LOVE these guys and hope to see more of them.

I'll leave you with that. The next post or two will be reviews of two albums I bought today, "Overdressed" and "Polarity"...Look forward to it!

Be blessed, Mac

New Year Shinanigans

2008-01-03T14:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a LONG while since I posted, and it's not because of lack of things to talk about. It was the end of school madness, Christmas greatness, and out of town-ness that kept me from the blogging world. In fact, there's plenty to talk about.

First off, Texas weather is CRAZY. Christmas week it was in the low seventies, high sixties. WAYYYY too warm for Christmas. There are Christmas songs about cuddling by the fire and staying warm for a reason. Apparently someone didn't get the memo. But now its freezing [literally] outside. I don't get it.

Second, I have this new camera that I'm completely consumed with. I'm still getting used to it, and I'm not quite through adjusting settings, but it's pretty incredible all the same. I can't wait until the landscape around here is green again so I can snap some pretty pictures, not the dead brown stuff I have been getting. It's beautiful [the camera, not the landscape].

Third, New Years was kind of a bust this year. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about starting over with a new slate this year, but I love celebrating it, and I didn't get to this year. I was out of town, so while my sister partied with her soccer buddies, and my parents with the other parents, I sat in our lonely hotel room, watching the Disney World fireworks show [which actually was quite spectacular].
This past year was one of the hardest, but I think I grew and changed a lot in the process. I'm glad to start this year with what I've been claiming is the new me. The me, that isn't afraid to go against the crowd, the me that truly doesn't wear her mask anymore, the me that knows who "me" is. This will be the first full year with this knowledge of who I am. I'm excited about the journey. The journey of leaving high school, and the familiar behind, and embarking on a brand new chapter of my life: college. Life on my own, in an unfamiliar state, with unfamiliar people. I'm scared to death, but I couldn't be more excited for it. Until then, I'm just enjoying the precious amount of time I have left with my family. It's going to go by so fast. But Nashville, a new adventure.

Fourth, I have realized that I don't love people as much as I thought. I always have said that I strive to love all people, and while this is true, I haven't been doing it well. I just look at people like Jaime Tworkowski (founder of TWLOHA) who created an entire organization about loving those addicts, drunks, and suicide attempters and I realize I am no where near loving all people. Not even close. One of my new year resolutions: Loving better.

Well in close I have to say, Bon Voyage 2007, you will go down in the books as one of the hardest, but you will not be forgotten. And welcome 2008, I hope you bring change and love and peace and dreams. And through the trials, bring hope.

Be blessed!
Mac

No intendio.

2007-12-15T22:09:00.000-08:00

This is actually something I wrote earlier this fall after I got back from my trip to Brazil. It's kinda on my heart though tonight as I sit here looking at the pictures on my walls of the children's beautiful faces.

So I'm home. 12 hours on a bus, and 13 hours on a plane, but I made it. At first I was so excited to get home. I wanted to feel clean after I got out of a shower. I wanted to put my toilet paper in the toilet. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I wanted a full nights sleep without being woken up by roosters at 3 in the morning. I wanted to be able to understand people. I wanted to see my family and friends. I wanted to talk to my camp girls. I wanted to get the film of dirt off of me. I wanted to eat something other than rice and beans. I wanted the privacy of my room. I wanted communication with the world. I simply wanted to be somewhere familiar.

But now I'm missing it. I miss the smiles on those precious faces. I miss holding them in my arms. I miss singing "Deus e tom bom" over 350 times. I miss the looks on their faces when I would try and teach them songs in English. I miss waking up to a great piece of bread and hot chocolate milk. I miss the joy that people had when they saw us Americans. I miss how patient and kind people were. I miss seeing the random donkey or pig running around on the streets. I miss the giant circus tent. I miss not knowing what songs I was playing. I miss lime oranges fresh off the tree. I miss seeing the beautiful people of Brazil. Kids, adults, young, and old. I miss faces.

The faces of those people will haunt me for the rest of my life. How utterly beautiful and captivating they were, but also how they simply wanted love. Many of the kids came from broken homes with 5 or more siblings. There was no main industry other than farming and living off the land. If people did work they worked for minimum wage which was about $2.50 a day. They didn't have materialistic possessions. They only wanted to be loved and cherished. We became close with one particular family of kids that took us to their home. They lived in a small house about the size of your average living room. No doors, no air conditioning, and one small light bulb. Their father had left them. We thought there were 3 children. There were actually two older brothers who worked to support the family. The grandmother lived with the family along with and aunt and a cousin I believe. So nine people living in a space barely big enough for 3. They didn't have a bathroom. They had two mattresses for nine people. I realized how blessed I truly am to have my own bed and bathroom. These kids had almost nothing. Maybe three different sets of clothes and a pair of dirty flip-flops. But they had so much JOY. They greeted us with a smile and a great hug in the morning. Their faces are what kept us going. I know I may not see them again on this Earth, but I hope that I will see them in heaven. I hope they took something from us that will stir them towards Jesus.

No intendio means I don't understand. A very popular saying that came out of my mouth considering I don't speak Portuguese. But now that I'm looking at that I begin to see new meaning. I don't understand why I got so much and those people got almost nothing. I don't understand why most of the families in that town will lose 3-5 children. I don't understand why I want when I should give. I have so much and there are others who don't have basic medical needs, food, or clothing. This trip has humbled me. Metaphorically speaking my face is in the dirt. I'm rubbing that red dirt all over my face feeling unworthy of God's love and how he has provided for me. I just have to be thankful that he has. I will continue to pray for those kids and families until the day I die. Though they don't have as much "stuff" as I do, they have more heart than anyone I know, and that's what's important because moth and rust destroy but treasures in the Lord last forever.

Football and Relaxation

2007-11-23T22:40:00.000-08:00

Normally those two words don't belong together, but they kind of describes my day.

Woke up, and after almost three hours of video games, the boys decided they wanted to go to the park and play. So we grabbed the nerf football and headed to the neighborhood park that has this huge field and playground. We had our version of a football game: chase whoever had the football, tackle that person, then throw the newly acquired football at somebody's face. It was so much fun rolling around in the grass like a little kid again, wrestling my sister and cousins to the ground. After a while we got tired and headed back to the house just in time to see the Aggie vs. Longhorn game. Gig 'Em Aggies..and we beat Texas again 38-30. Oh how great was that victory! I had to leave for work at halftime, so I brought my sister's old clock/alarm/radio to work with me and had my ear attached to it the first hour and a half.

After a long day of work I came home and had my own little mini-concert in my room. I played the tar out of my guitar until the parents came home. Mellowed me out though. I've been listening to really chill-out music (Leeland, Bethany Dillon, Shawn McDonald), but I just switched over to the new b-sides Anberlin album. The words of Leeland are still in my head though:

"Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed"

In the spirit of giving thanks, I have to say number one on my list of things I'm thankful for is the fact that God loves me despite my weakness and flaws. I'm so messed up, and He knows me inside and out, and He still loves me. I don't know where I would be today without knowing that. Some other things I'm thankful for though:

2. Music because it has a way of speaking to me that regular conversations can't because it is unafraid to be bold and yet vulnerable.
3. A great family who, despite my grouchy morning hours, puts up with my nuttiness.
4. The group of friends I have that know and love the real me, not the mask I used to wear.
5. Chacos--the most comfortable shoes for any type of weather.
6. Photography for being able to capture how the world truly is.
7. My guitars because sometimes I feel they are the only way I can get it all out of me without exploding.
8. Sonic route 44 sweet peach vanilla iced tea

Well now it's 1:30am and I will have 6 years olds jumping on me at 7:00am so I can help them win Super Mario 64. Oh yeah, thats right, the N64 folks.

Until next time, be blessed!

Mac

Blonde Balls of Cuteness

2007-11-20T15:00:00.000-08:00

So I have the cutest cousins in the entire world. On my mom's side, I am the oldest cousin (by many years). My mom's sister and her husband and three boys are in town for Thanksgiving from Wisconsin, the land of dairy, although they don't eat much cheese. ANYWAYS, i get to spend an entire week with the cutest little blond boys that ever walked the earth. So far we've played endless hours of video games, had pillow fights, taken a dip in the heated pool, and given many hugs and kisses. Although I love these boys, and there is nothing they could do that would change that, they tend to get a little whiny. I mean, cmon, three boys with no sleep, of course they get cranky. Come bed time, the youngest (i think he's four?) will cry because he doesn't get to lay on at the same height as his brothers. The oldest will whine that he is hungry, although we tried to get him to eat dinner for an hour. The middle one just runs around until we catch him and trap him under the sheets. Once they are crying on the floor though, they decide it's time to listen to "Bakenzie" and get into bed. Despite their whining and will to completely ignore many things I tell them to do, I love them death.

Kind of like the love of God huh? I love spending time with God and enjoying his presence. I'm having a great time and I can sense His love all around me. Then He asks me to do something and I become restless and begin to squirm. He calls me to something and I begin to whine that I don't want to, or that I don't have time. I continue to run around and complain until finally I fall on my face broken. It is then that I realize what God had for me was SO much better than what I wanted to do. It takes me falling on my knees to realize that He is right and that I don't know what I want. It is during these times that I question why God loves me. I'm so stubborn and I NEVER listen. I'm a dirty sinner, yet there is nothing I could do that would make him love me less. Wow grace is beautiful.

That's what I'll leave you with.

Be blessed!
Mac

News

2007-11-14T21:05:00.000-08:00

Today started as a not so great day. Three tests I wasn't prepared for, economics, and work. I wasn't looking forward to it. In fact, I was dreading it.

But things started looking up when I opened my mailbox today and found a large envelope from Texas A&M. I opened to find that I had been accepted to their school. Now while I was excited about this, A&M is my third choice of schools. I was just ready for Belmont (#1) and Baylor (#2) to come in.

I then went to work, where they gave us a cake to eat because they couldn't sell it anymore. Cake is great stuff. Not only was it cake, it was ice cream cake. Cookie dough ice cream cake to be exact. Great stuff.

Then my dad comes in. Now this is not an unusual thing, because my dad loves ice cream. Anyways he walks up to the counter and throws another large envelope onto the counter with my name on it. I open it to find....*insert drum roll*....that I have been accepted to Belmont University in Nashville, TN!!!!!! My number one school, the school of my dreams, I will be attending nine months from now! So all of you Nashvillians, I'll be there soon.

I just had to tell you this because I'm pretty sure I'm so excited I can't contain it!

Be blessed and have an INCREDIBLE week, because I know my week will be!

Mac

Nothingness

2007-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

This is another one of those completely non-serious random blogs where nothing important is said.
First of all, does anyone actually read this stinkin thing? I think it's funny that I am writing like I'm writing to an audience and I'm not actually sure an audience exists. Its kinda funny if you think about it.

Second, I refuse to do anything the rest of the week. I'm going to coast through school and just look forward to Nickel Creek on Friday and Paramore and the Almost on Saturday. I won't even think about my paper due Tuesday.

Third, I really dislike my job. I'm job hunting. If you know of one (again with the audience) that pays decently, let me know.

Fourth, I have to go to work now and do absolutely nothing. Ciao!

The queen of random thinking, Mac

Confessions

2007-11-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

I have a few confessions I have to make. I figure blog's are a place to be honest with others, so I have some things I need to get off my chest:

- I'm the biggest procrastinator that ever lived. When it comes to the really important things, I get them done, but with papers and tiny projects, I'm a last minute, pull my hair out, kinda girl. In fact, I'm doing it now. I have over 100 pages to read of the Aenied, but I'm not doing it.

- I love Starbucks. I would be completely content with sitting in one of my local Starbucks all day, writing and reading. I hate coffee, but I love all of their drinks that don't have it. During the summer I love a chai tea frappachino or my custom chocolate covered strawberry frappachino and during the winter, they have the best hot chocolate ever.

- I listen to music way too much. At this very moment, the new single by MercyMe is blaring from my computer speakers. I listen to it when I wake up, during most of my classes, doing homework, working, and going to sleep. Silence is deafening to me. There are those times when I have to turn it off to just sit and be quiet for a while, but it takes all that I am not to turn it back on.

- I am never satisfied with a single song I write. I've heard this is a common problem with artists. I write something, then a month later, I'll change something, or add something, or take out something. There are so many crossed out words in my song journal that I'm not sure any of it makes any sense anymore to anyone besides me.

- I've never been able to decide if I enjoy Christmas music or not. This topic has come up since they started playing the holly jolly tunes at work. I turn it off as soon as I walk in everyday. While it may be good the week before the holiday, thats about all I can take. And when it is playing, I can't stand the overly mixed/"pop"-ified versions of the songs. Give me the classic vocal and maybe a guitar or piano.

- I think thick crusted pizza is absolutely revolting. I can't taste anything but bread, so I miss out on the best part: the SAUCE people! Give me a thin crust cheese pizza with extra sauce and we will have a party.

- Chocolate and peanut butter is the best combination of sweet ever. Mr. Reese's goes down in my own personal Hall of Fame because I'm not sure my world would be the same without his delicious treat to make me happy.

- I bite at my cuticles. It's a disgusting habit that leaves my fingers bleeding constantly, but I just can't help it. If someone has a home remedy, help me out here.

Well that's all I have for you now, I'll think of some more later probably.

Lata Gatas, Mac

Comfort from paper

2007-11-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

For the past hour I sat in an over-stuffed chair in the middle of Barnes & Nobles reading the first chapter of two books that have come highly recommended, "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky, and "Room of Marvels" by James Bryan Smith. The first is about a young boy writing to a friend about how scared he is about going to high school...well at least thats how far I've gotten. The second is about a Christian author who lost his 2 year old daughter Madison, his good friend Wayne (who represents the author's actual good friend Rich Mullins who also died), and his mother, and about how he is doubting all he has ever believed in.

ANYWAYS...I sat there for an hour, soaking it all in. When I closed the books and got up to leave I realized I had totally forgotten about everything I had been so stressed out about earlier in the day. I have a paper and a test monday, 4 books (school related) to read before exams, an ap vocabulary test wednesday (i thought i was done with vocab tests by now!), and a registrar who refuses to get my transcripts into the appropriate schools on time. Even with everything now swimming in my thoughts, I sat there in that over-stuffed chair completely content, knowing everything would be alright.

Isn't it funny that all it takes is for us to step outside of the world for a second to realize its all going to be ok? I think thats why I love reading so much. I can go into this other world for a little while, forgetting all my own issues and problems, and getting lost in the made up stories of made up characters in a book. It's my own little escape, only for me. Music is a way to express my craziness, and books are a way to escape from my craziness. If you were to look on my "bed-side table" (its an ottoman (sp?) set next to my bed) you would probably find my prayer/thought journal, my travel lyric journal, my bible, and usually two to three other books. My bible, the ultimate book, filled with stories to get lost in, encouragement to take to heart, and advice to use in life. Don't know where I would be without that book.

So although I have this insane amount of things to do, I know everything is going to be alright, thanks to paper and the Big Man upstairs (I hate that term, but it just seemed appropriate). Now I'm off to finish a music theory quiz and calculus homework all before work. At least I have my new books to get me through the night!

Until my next urge to blog, be blessed! Mac

A Productively Unproductive Day

2007-11-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

I have an economics exam tomorrow worth 25% of my final grade. Am I studying? No. I'm sitting here checking various websites and writing this. I enjoy being unproductive, although it always comes back to bite me in the butt. I'll study, I promise, but now I don't feel like it. I feel like rocking out right now...oh good Thousand Foot Krutch is playing on my iTunes. That helps. I have one hour until dinner and Desperate Housewives, so I might want to go study. Nope, not yet.

Although today has been a relatively great day (free Starbucks, church greatness, no school) it's about to get a bit stressed. Goodie!

Time for green tea. I think I'll go study now.

Dear Americans

2007-10-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

We are blessed. Blessed to live in a place where we are free to express our beliefs and ideas. Blessed to (for the most part) have food in our bellies and clothes on our back. Blessed to have homes, beds, indoor plumbing, and a microwave. There are those who don't have this, but for the most part, its true.

That being said, why are we so selfish? We being the key word because I'm in that category as well. But we have so much "stuff" that is completely useless. We have cell phones, iPods, 3-5 computers, cars, 15 pairs of shoes, and a closet full of clothes that only half are worn. We could live without these things. I'm guilty of saying I would "die" without my computer or iPod, but I wouldn't. When we don't get what we want, we whine and complain because we don't have the newest Apple product, or the newest car. We say we are completely broke when all we have is change in our wallet, but are we really? Go visit a country like Brazil or Kenya or Russia, and we can talk about broke.

When I went to Brazil this summer, I saw what true poverty was for the first time. I saw a family of nine living in a one bedroom shack (they probably made themselves) with no plumbing, and electricity that wasn't ever reliable. They fit all nine people onto one queen and one twin sized mattress. They were lucky if they got a decent meal everyday. The children that lived in that house didn't have a good pair of shoes to wear, they had no future ahead of them, and yet, they were so JOYFUL all the time. Seeing their faces in my mind just makes me smile, because I am reminded of what true joy in any circumstance is. It's also proof of the statement "Money doesn't bring happiness" because they have no money and are happier than I could ever be in that situation.

Now back to the entire selfish aspect of this. We have "stuff" and we have money. Now why is it that when someone comes around asking for money for a charity, or wants us to sponsor a child in some remote country, why do we hide our wallets and stare at the floor? We have been blessed more than we know, so why don't we share this with others? We can't even give the homeless man on the corner our spare change. We say that it's because he will buy booze or drugs with it, but in reality it's because we are too self-centered to give up a dollar or two. How about instead of pocketing all the cash we get from that spare change, we donate it? How about using that $30 for a new pair of shoes we won't ever wear, we use it sponsor a child in Africa, so that they can have a meal and basic health care? We are called to look after the widows and orphans of this world. This can also translate to anyone in need. Lets accept our calling and look after those who have so much less than we can ever imagine.

Here are some great organizations you can get involved in:

-Compassion Intl.

-Gospel For Asia

-Loose Change to Loosen Chains

-Invisible Children

Sincerely,
Someone who is just as selfish as the rest.

Love

2007-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

I just recently realized how truly broken this world is. Globally, yes, we have war, epidemic, poverty, and chaos. But it goes deeper than war. It starts in people. Its in the hearts of people where brokenness can cause more damage than war or disease. Today, people are giving up on their dreams, giving up on love, losing hope. They are suffering from a broken soul with no healing in sight. They dwell on the past, looking for a rewind button that doesn't exist. They've already lost hope in today, so they dread tomorrow. Somewhere tonight someone is carving into their arms looking for some relief from the pain. Someone is starving themselves because they feel ugly and unworthy. Someone is drowning themselves in the bottle hoping to suppress the memories of a troubled past. Yes, there are problems in this world, but in order to solve those problems the people must first be healed. The hearts of people must be put back together. Theres only one cure: LOVE. God's love can heal all, but we also must learn to love. Write love on the arms of the depressed. Love those who have deemed themselves unworthy of love. Alone we can accomplish nothing. We can win no battle. But together with love we can slay the giants of our broken hearts. It is because of love that I dare to dream. It is because of love that I have hope. Love is the cure. Love is the hope. Love is the dream. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love never fails. Never fails to heal. Never fails to satisfy. Never fails to win. Love conquers all. Love is the movement.